I Can t Decide Whether You Should Live or Die
by eli7abeth
Summary: Six years after Kurt found out what Blaine was REALLY doing to pay back his debts and made him leave, they meet again. But Kurt discovers that he s just Blaine s next business "project"... and one of them might not be able to survive it. AU!
1. Oh You ll Probably Go To Heaven

**Oh You´ll Probably Go To Heaven**  
><em>I Can´t Decide – Scissor Sisters<em>

He has done worse.

In fact, he could do much worse than he was doing now, Kurt Hummel tried to assure himself. At least he was pretending to listen to what Manuel (Manolo? Emmanuel? Whatever.) was explaining and he was nodding from time to time and smiling and patting his arm. It wasn´t his fault that everything that was coming out of the other man´s mouth seemed to flow away immediately. He forced himself to keep his eyes from wandering, but it was hard.

Those blind dates never were successful and Kurt didn´t know why he´d even agreed to do it again. He looked over Manuel shortly and sighed inaudibly. He wasn´t ugly or anything, he wore one of those early McQueen cardigans and was quite handsome, but he was far too... blonde for his liking. And too tall. And his eyes were too blue and his smile too weak and his hands not strong enough.

Kurt chocked a heavy sigh when he discovered where his thoughts were going. No, the man in front of him was NOT Blaine. And that was the GOOD thing about him. That was the reason he was dating him. After the last guy, whose hair had at least been curly, and the guy before him, who had had those hazel eyes, he only chose guys with a lot of differences. He didn´t need to be reminded, thank you. It was better to choose another kind of type, because Kurt totally knew that Blaine would always be the one he compared others with. And the more they had in common, the less he would stay with them.

_But you can´t have Blaine, it was your choice!, _the annoying voice inside his head whispered. _You said you didn´t want him anymore. You told him to leave,because he was DISGUSTING._

And if THIS wasn´t the moment he regretted most. But... a part of him was still thinking this way. A huge part. A part, that probably was very right.

„...and then he was saying: _No way! _He is insane, isn´t he? What do you think? Kurt? Kurt!"

Kurt turned on his smile and nodded quickly. „Yeah, sure, right!"  
>Manuel´s bewildered glance told Kurt that this had maybe been the wrong answer, so he hurried to catch the menu and pointed at the cocktail´s list. „We´ll get one more, alright?"<p>

While they waited for the cocktails to be brought, Manuel excused himself and Kurt began to observe the other people at the bar, most of them male and in suits, relaxing and talking.  
>Then his gaze stopped. This back seemed familiar, also the head – or the part of the head he could see. Dark curls.<p>

As the man suddenly turned around, Kurt flinched and hid his face behind the menu. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Why on earth did Blaine Anderson have to be in the same bar? Why? How was he supposed to be flirty with another man, when Blaine was in the same room? And... there was the reason he had told him to leave. This very important reason, that almost made him run away this very second. But Kurt had never been a coward and they were in a public place, for God´s sake. Blaine wouldn´t do anything _here_, right? He could stay. He _should_ stay and ignore him.

_Idiot, _his inner voice snarled, _be honest! You want him to be jealous, you want to show him what he´s missing, even though you have been the one to end your relationship. So straighten, smile and flirt the fuck out of this Manuel-guy._

Kurt thanked the not-existing Gods for his countless rehearsals and turned into the Kurt everybody liked. He smiled hugely at Manuel and thanked the waiter far too enthusiastically for their cocktails, laughed too loudly and sparkled during the next – seemingly endless – hour of small talk. But even then he always listened to the other voices and tried to figure out where Blaine was standing. Once or twice he recognized his still too familiar laughter and therefore flashed another too huge smile towards Manuel. But after another hour he waved a relieved good-bye and relaxed onto his chair, facing bottles of alluring amounts of alcohol.

He couldn´t quite explain why he hadn´t left together with Manuel, but somehow he ended up sitting at the bar alone, starring into another colourful cocktail and feeling depressed.

_Liar, _his inner voice smirked, _you´ve been many things, but never a liar. Just confess you´re here to have a chance to see him, talk to him, touch him. You´re here because you´re so desperate that you´re willing to make a mistake. Again._

Kurt mugged into his drink, as his body recognized the approaching steps before he even heard them. _  
><em>„Hello stranger!" Kurt didn´t even make the effort to look at the person standing next to him, twirling his glass.  
>„Blaine", he greeted through gritted teeth, „What are you doing here?"<br>Blaine grinned at Kurt amusedly and ignored his question. „Wasn´t your type, huh? Not even for a night?" Kurt felt the anger building up and shot Blaine a warning glance.  
>„Don´t you dare."<br>Blaine smirked sardonically. „You haven´t changed at all, have you? All grown-up and flirty on the outside, always the great actor with his bright smile on stage, but still the baby-penguin on the inside, aren´t you?"  
>Kurt´s face turned pink and he couldn´t tell if it was because of embarrassment or anger. „You didn´t complain about it <em>then", <em>he hissed.

„No, I didn´t – because I loved you and you loved me. That was all I needed. But _then_ you told me to leave – that changed everything." Kurt stared at him and narrowed his eyes.  
>„You know exactly why I had to. Don´t even start to blame <em>me!" <em>Blaine just stood there and looked at him and maybe it was his stare or maybe he had just had one cocktail too much, but Kurt couldn´t stop himself from continuing. „It wasn´t _my _fault you chose to do it, you know? We would have managed it, we would have found ways. Better ways, because honestly, there were no worse ways. It was _your _fucking idea to do it, remember? You didn´t even ask me, not once. So would you please, please just leave? Go! You did it then, do it again. There´s nothing left to say and I have a date with this fine looking Tequile there."

Blaine silently watched Kurt finishing his cocktail. „You know, maybe you´ve changed though. But I´m sorry, there´s no chance that I´ll leave. I´m here to finish a job." Kurt choked on the cherry and looked at Blaine unbelievingly.  
>„Are you serious? You <em>still<em> are in this... business?" Blaine just nodded. „You... who is your next victim, then? Is it here?" Blaine moved closer until Kurt could feel his breath.  
>„Yes, it is. In fact, he´s sitting in front of me and looking at me with his still breathtaking blue-green eyes." Just moments later Kurt´s eyes widened as he flinched in horror.<p>

Blaine nodded, smirking. „You´re right, Kurt, you should run and hide. Someone really hates you and wants to see you dead. And I´m the one who´s supposed to take care of it."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Well, what should I say... welcome to my first published English fanfiction and thank you for reading!_

_A BIG thank you to my Beta Vernalequinox7, who encouraged me to publish it and is really helpful and lovely and great! Just thought you should know ;)_

You know, reviews are like sunshine on a cloudy day!  
>Let me know what you´re thinking, please?<p> 


	2. Smells Like Something I ve Forgotten

**Smells like something I've forgotten  
><strong>

Kurt´s first reflex was to jump up and run as fast as he could. His second reflex was to punch Blaine´s grin out of his still too gorgeous face, but he chose the third possibility. He showed his best bitch-stare and didn´t move – until Blaine began to laugh.

„Are you serious, Kurt? Is this the best reaction you could think of? I was waiting for something epic like your You´re _disgusting, _Blaine! six years ago." He imitated Kurt´s voice and mimic nearly perfectly and Kurt had to repress an answer – or a smile.

They did that a lot – _then –_ sitting in the coffee-shop and joking, making fun of each other and laughing.

That was, until Kurt discovered what Blaine´s new _job _really was. His boyfriend – his dapper, always polite and so endearing almost-fiancé – had thought that trying to do something like _that _would be appropriate for raising money to pay back the student´s loan. Of course, Blaine had the knowledge as a soon-to-be-doctor. He also had the appearance, because nobody would ever be wary, seeing him smile and act like the preppy young man he was. So Blaine turned into someone else when he got an _assignment. _At first he tried to joke about it – being like Clark Kent, but he soon realised that Kurt couldn´t laugh about it.

After his first job – he still refused to call it murder – he was shocked at how easy it had been. Of course it was justified, a drug dealer causing a teenagers´s death because of his soiled drugs. The papery thing left at the crime scene that looked like a moustache had been a coincidence and it was pure luck that it didn´t contain any DNA.

After the second one – a not-convicted pedophile, not enough evidence for the judges AND with another moustache left at the crime scene, this time on purpose – he stared at the packet of money in astonishment and didn´t see Kurt´s shiver.

After the third job though – a thief who had murdered an old lady for ten bucks - Blaine was in some kind of hyper. He started to collect the newspaper´s articles about the Moustache Murderer and Kurt was frightened. No, he wasn´t frightened – he was _scared._

Blaine laughed about it and said: „Kurt, these are no _murders_. It´s justice." And when Blaine didn´t stop, Kurt´s fear turned into anger and disgust. And that was the moment when he wasn´t able to stand it anymore. 

„Blaine, you´re _disgusting! _I don´t recognise you anymore, I don´t want to know you anymore! Just... leave. Go away and never come back, please. I want to forget that I know you, forget everything we had because obviously it doesn´t mean anything to you anymore." Blaine stared at him for some long minutes, then he packed and disappeared. Except for the occasional articles or news reports, Kurt hadn´t heard anything from Blaine – until today.

Memories faded and Kurt had to blink several times until he could see Blaine again, who looked at him with an unreadable expression.

„I... I have to leave. And by this I mean _alive_. I have a job to do as well and I´d appreciate it if you wouldn´t keep me from doing it. It was nice to see you again, Blaine. Well, goodbye." Kurt arose and turned towards the door, as a strong hand held him back.

„Oh, no way, Kurt. There´s not a single chance you will walk out of this door now, dead or alive." With a raised eyebrow, Kurt turned around.

„Are you serious? That was one of the worst lyric-references you´ve ever used. And..." Kurt´s voice changed to dead serious. „You _owe _me something, Blaine. I´ll leave and you´ll pretend you´ve never seen me here." 

Blaine´s eyes were darker as he looked at Kurt now, still holding on to his arm.

„Why do you think I owe you anything? You told me to leave, I did. I have no duties to pay, we separated years ago. This is a job and there won´t be any feelings distracting me. I´ve got rid of my feelings a long time ago."

His eyes told Kurt _when exactly _Blaine had left his feelings behind. _The day he had walked out of his life._

Kurt recognised a long forgotten feeling creeping back into his heart – fear. But Kurt Hummel would rather die than show it, so he pulled his arm free and bent down to whisper into Blaine´s ear.

„That wasn´t exactly _my _fault, was it? I would have done everything to get the money we needed after your parents dispossessed you, I would have sold my whole wardrobe for you. But no, Mr Blaine Anderson decided he would become a _killer_ instead. You may have abandoned all your feelings for this, but you have also murdered a piece of my soul. So you owe me a piece of my life, my happiness and... and the ability to feel more than just friendship for anybody. I´m fucking lonely every day and night and the only time my heart doesn´t feel broken is when I stand on a stage and sing. So, thank you very much – and now I´ll leave." Kurt tried to hide his desperation, but Blaine was still able to look through Kurt´s facade.

Clutching Kurt´s arm once more, he tried hard to ignore the tight feeling in his chest – he hadn´t felt like this for a long time. It was almost as if he had... feelings again. But feelings were overrated, they were unnecessary and made everything far too complicated. But for one second he wasn´t able to keep them apart and without thinking any further he exclaimed:

„I... you might convince me to think about it. Maybe."

Kurt looked at Blaine like he was... insane.

„Think about it? What did you put in your coffee lately?" 

Blaine was irritated – he had thought of it as a nice gesture among old friends, but Kurt didn´t seem too fond of it.

„I don´t understand you, don´t you want to... to live? I´ve had enough clients during the last years, so I guess I can reject one of them. But I´ll need a good reason to do it and at the moment I can´t think of any. You´re as annoying as ever and somehow I really wonder why this is the first time someone asked me to do it, to be honest."

Kurt gasped and pushed away Blaine´s hand furiously.

„I´m annoying? You... you heartless murderer! You´re a killer and accuse me of being annoying? I´ll tell you something, Blaine – I´m so so very glad I´ve met you today, because at last I noticed that my feelings for you have disappeared _completely. _If you´re waiting for me to thank you or... or _pay you_ for not murdering me, you´ll have to wait till I wear last season´s Target-vests aka till hell freezes!"

Blaine´s eyes sparkled with amusement as he looked at Kurt and let his hand wander onto Kurt´s hand, embracing it.

"Frankly, I didn´t think about money. When I called you a baby-penguin, I meant to make a joke. I remember past times, you know. I thought maybe your _payment _could include some _physical gratitude_."

At first Kurt thought his ears betrayed him, but then he saw this look on Blaine´s face. This look he had longed to see – _then._ But even if he was so sure he had made the right decision, even if he knew there were no more feelings left – his body had its own thoughts. His pants became tighter and Blaine _knew_ it. Kurt didn´t even need to follow Blaine´s gaze to be sure.

_Fuck._


	3. Pleasing Everyone Isn t Like You

**Pleasing everyone isn't like you**

Kurt fled.

He didn´t manage to leave the bar though, but ended in the Ladie´s room. He stared at the reflection in the mirror in front of him and watched himself in horror. This wasn´t the Kurt Hummel he wanted to be. He didn´t like all the shades of feelings he discovered in his eyes; like the longing he couldn´t deny and the loneliness he wasn´t able to suppress. But the thing he liked least was the _hope_.

Oh fuck you, Blaine Anderson!  
>It had been six awfully long years, six years he had survived and tried to move on and be more than a part of a couple, more than just the half of something. All Blaine needed to do was appear again and his efforts became meaningless.<p>

The worst part of all was that Blaine hadn´t just stood there and looked gorgeous like _then, _but threatened to kill him – and tried to blackmail him to... Kurt didn´t even want to put it into words. But not even he was able to deny that Blaine´s attempt left him feeling... something. God, how he wished it wasn´t so; but Blaine had always known which buttons to push and obviously neither Blaine´s ability nor his buttons had changed.

As the bathroom´s door opened and the familiar dark curls came in sight, Kurt´s knuckles turned white, clutching the sink. Blaine´s smirk hit him like a ton of bricks and he looked back into the mirror.

"Your hiding places didn´t change at all", Blaine stated.

"Your inability to leave people in peace didn´t either", Kurt answered angrily, which caused one of Blaine´s deep and amused chuckles that still managed to make his spine tingle.

Kurt hoped he looked braver than he felt inside and turned around slowly to face Blaine.  
>"Well, I won´t pay you nor show my not existing gratitude in any possible way. So you can do it now and here or just vanish like you did six years ago."<p>

He watched Blaine coming nearer and felt paralyzed until Blaine touched his wrist, ever so lightly. Kurt drew in a sharp breath, his eyes gaped with horror and tried to shake Blaine´s fingers off, who only moved even closer.

"We already had that, Kurt. You _wanted _me to leave and I did, so stop it. And I told you some minutes ago I don´t really need to care for your disappearance of necessity" - Kurt snuffled at Blaine´s choice of term - "but I won´t let you go or leave you otherwise. So I guess we have to find a solution." His eyes flickered over Kurt´s face and stopped at his lips, which caused Kurt to finally move his free hand and push Blaine away. It turned out too forcefully and Blaine nearly fell down, but it was the action they both needed to return to reality again.

"Why do we need any solution? I´ll go home now and you´ll do the same, unless you have another _mission_ to fulfill."

Kurt hurried to leave the uninviting location, but Blaine´s now earnest voice held him back.

"Do you really think that´s it? You´ve always praised yourself as smart and I don´t guess you changed that much. Think about what will happen when I tell them I didn´t do it. Do you really think they´ll just accept it? No, Kurt – they´ll retain another _colleague_, who won´t think twice. The fact that you might know about it by now will just make them act faster and more violent to avoid another failure. You´re not safe, Kurt. You won´t be until they succeed or get caught."

As much as Kurt hated it, he had to admit that Blaine was right. Oh fuck it, Kurt cringed inwardly, he hated Blaine being right even more than Blaine just being here.

It felt like physical pain to turn around again.  
>"So what do you suggest then? Should I leave New York and go back to Lima? That will never happen and you know it. Also, I have performances to attend and appointments to maintain, so I won´t just lock myself and hide."<p>

Blaine shook his head.

"Going back to Lima is no possibility, they know where your family lives and you would hazard your dad, Carole and Finn. Staying with Rachel is no alternative either, your friendship is well-established too. Frankly, I wouldn´t choose asking one of your flirts as well, they would be shirty after at most some days. Besides, they couldn´t keep you safe for a single hour. I guess I´m your best choice."

"Excuse me?"

Kurt stared at Blaine and waited for him to laugh or correct his last words.

"No way. You don´t really think I´d stay with _you_, do you? There must be another solution. There _has to be._ " Kurt knew he sounded desperate, but he couldn´t care less at the moment. His whole life was about to turn upside down and he wanted to cling to everything he knew and liked. And Blaine was surely not one of the things he knew or liked.

Blaine just shrugged and eyed up a woman, who hesitated to enter the bathroom. He caught Kurt´s hand and pulled him outside, where he pushed him up against the wall and fixed him with his hands again Kurt´s shoulders. Kurt wouldn´t have been able to walk away though, he still tried to figure out what Blaine had said.

"Kurt, listen."

Kurt forced himself to look at Blaine who absently caressed Kurt´s shoulder and oh fuck, if that wasn´t distracting.  
>But Blaine´s eyes showed nothing similar to Kurt´s mixed feeling, they just stared at him in a disturbing intense, but cold way.<p>

"Don´t get me wrong, I don´t _want _you to stay with me. In fact, I don´t want you back in my life at all and I would be happy if I could let you go and forget about it. But that would be your death sentence and you don´t deserve it. Well, maybe you _do _deserve it, considering your attitude and the fact that somebody wants to see you dead, but I won´t be the one to decide it."

Kurt´s eyes narrowed as he hissed: "My _attitude _is none of your business!"

Blaine let out an amused chuckle as his hand wandered upwards to caress the side of Kurt´s neck. Kurt suppressed a shiver – he would rather die than show Blaine how he still could make him feel. Oh fuck it, Kurt realised, kicking the bucket had become a realistic possibility lately. Better not joking about it.  
>"If I should consider staying with you, I need to know something."<p>

Blaine´s raised eyebrows showed him to continue.

"Who is it?"

"Who is what?", Blaine asked confused.

"Who wants to see me dead? I can´t think of anyone, really. Sure, there were competitors and colleagues, but I´ve never treated them too bad. I don´t think that any highschool-jerks still think of me or would be able to hire a _hitman, _so who is it?"

It was the first time this evening, Kurt realised, that Blaine looked uncomfortable.

"That´s the problem, you see, Kurt", he articulated carefully, "and also the reason it´s probably getting dangerous. I have no clue."

* * *

><p><em>So, that´s part 3. Maybe you´ve already guessed that I kinda like cliffhangers... and mysterious chap endings... hehe :D<em>

_As always, reviews would be VERY lovely!_

_Chapter 4 may be here by tomorrow..._


	4. And Now You ve Gotten In My Way

**And now you've gotten in my way**

Kurt wasn´t sure if he believed Blaine, but like he had stated earlier – it was his best choice. It was sad, but true and he hated it more than he would have thought.

In silent agreement, they walked out of the bar and onto the dark and rather cold street and for the first time since high-school Kurt didn´t feel safe. He knew he looked nervous as he turned around every few seconds, but he couldn´t help it. He didn´t even protest when Blaine put his hand on the small of his back and led him down the street towards a black convertible.

"Really, Blaine? You have one of the cars we used to make fun of because they were so braggy?" Blaine just shrugged and opened the door for Kurt, who slid onto the lowered seat, niftily as ever.

"It´s a car. One is as good as the other and actually, it was an additional payment for a very special mission."

Kurt felt the suppressed disgust rising again, opened the door and got out of the car the moment Blaine started the ignition. He bent down to sneer at Blaine.

"Well, you know what? When I stop and think about it, I don´t really need to stay with you. There´s always the Hilton or the Manhattan Centre and both would be pleased to have me. I could check in with a fake name, they won´t be awkward because I´m well known by now and they´ll understand it. And I wouldn´t have to drive in a car you got for killing someone or sleep on a sofa you maybe bought from money you earned the same way. Thanks for the warning though, I really appreciate that."

Kurt turned around and was lucky to see a taxi coming around the corner. The Hilton was awesome, but the Manhattan Centre had this exclusive designer shop and he didn´t have anything to change with him, so the Manhattan was it.

When Kurt woke up, he needed some seconds to realise where he was. He ignored the tight feeling he had whenever he thought about the circumstances that had brought him here – and noticed the ringing phone that had woken him.

"Hello?"

Kurt rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch that was lying on the bedstand. 5 am? That was a weird time to call.

"Mr Logan Mars? You have a call, I´ll connect you."  
>Only some seconds later he heard another voice and immediately felt like he was freezing. It wasn´t the voice per se, but the fact the other man was whispering and the words he said.<p>

"You thought I wouldn´t find you, did you? But Mr Hummel, you´re not as clever as everyone makes you believe. Let me say just this: I will get you."  
>After this the line was dead.<p>

Kurt sat on his bed, the last signs of sleepiness had clearly disappeared and his fingers were shaking. He forced himself to stay calm and think, _goddam Kurt_, think! What was he supposed to do now? Call the police? They would tell him there was no evidence, but wait - there was. The hotel would know the number.

Quickly Kurt called the reception.  
>"Reception, how may I help you?"<br>"Kur.. erm, Logan Mars here, can you give me the number that called me? We were disconnected." Kurt wanted to shout at her to _hurry the fuck up_, but he dug his fingernails into his palms instead and tried to breathe. In. Out. In.

"I´m sorry, Mr Mars, I don´t... oh, hold on. Here it is. 11092010. That´s strange, there is no area code."

Kurt turned pale. It most certainly was no phone number, that was for sure. It was a date and he knew exactly which one.

_Blaine_. He needed to call Blaine, screw it. Blaine was more than just a hired hitman in this setting although he had no idea why and how.

After only four tolls Blaine accepted. He had clearly been asleep, but sounded alarmed as he recognised Kurt´s voice.

"Kurt? What happened?"

"Blaine, I´m sorry... I can´t explain right now. I´m not sure if it´s safe. But... can you get me?"

"I´ll be there in ten. What name did you use?"

"Mars, Logan. I´m at the Manhattan, by the way."

"I know; designer shop, remember? And Logan Mars, are you serious?"

Kurt heard Blaine slipping into his clothes and tried not to visualize it.  
>"I couldn´t think of anything better, I´m really sorry, Mr Perfect-Undercover-Names, okay?"<p>

"And you didn´t think about Logan and Veronica, did you? I still remember you flailing about your OTP, you know. It was one of the few straight pairings we always agreed on. They were epic."

_And so were we._

Kurt tried to think of something else and was surprised how easily Blaine could distract him.

As Blaine arrived, Kurt had already checked out and stood behind the front door, observing the street. Blaine didn´t even have enough time to get out of the car before Kurt sat next to him and shooed him back onto the street.

"Drive, please. Fast!"

Blaine flashed him a short glance. Something bad must have really happened if Kurt acted like this. During their phone call he had noticed Kurt´s fear, but there had also been a small sign of his _K__urtism_. It was gone now. Kurt looked scared and confused and angry and worried. All his acidness had faded and he recognised the vulnerable boy Kurt tried to hide from the world.

Blaine´s chest ached and it was something he hadn´t felt for a very long time. He didn´t like the route everything was going down. He didn´t like feeling all this shit again.

More harshly than intended he asked Kurt what had happened, but obviously it was just the right way because Kurt calmed down a bit.

"Someone called me. He knew my name and where I was and he... he told me he would get me. When the desk clerk tried to backtrack the number, she found a... date instead."

"Which one? Is it important to you?"

Kurt worried his lower lip with his teeth and finally decided to tell Blaine the truth. There was no sense in denying, was it?

"11. 09. 2010. I guess you could call that an important date for me. And I think you´re more related to all this than I´ve thought... although you don´t seem to be too surprised. Would you mind telling me what this is all about?" Kurt sounded angry by now. Well, maybe _angry _wasn´t the right word, he was pissed.

Blaine refused to answer until they arrived at his flat.

"Maybe you should sit", he suggested, but Kurt – stubborn like his 17-year-old self – leaned against the wall and stared at him, his arms folded. "Well?"

"I may have stretched the truth a bit", Blaine confessed.

"How?"

"Remember when I told you I´m supposed to take care of your... death? That wasn´t exactly the truth."

Kurt´s clenched his fists and took a deep breath.

"Do I need to beg you on my knees to tell me what _is _the truth?"

As soon as Blaine´s eyes widened he regretted his choose of terms.

"Oh stop it, Blaine. Just tell me what happened, okay?"

Blaine smirked and Kurt´s heartbeat nearly stopped. Oh how he _hated _the memories coming to life every time Blaine did something he used to do _then.  
><em>"It wasn´t my job to do it, to take care of your death. It was the job of one of my colleagues and I heard him talking about it. I... I convinced him to let me take it over."

Kurt´s eyes narrowed as he looked at Blaine.

"How? How did you _convince _him?"

Blaine shrugged. "He had a choice and was wise."

Noticing Kurt´s still shocked face he added: "It was necessary. Not even you can tell me otherwise, you would be dead by now. And I´m no monster, you know. He lives and will be able to do everything he used to when he comes back to America in some years. I heard he enjoys France and frankly, I guess nobody misses him. There´s a reason I could make him choose, he wasn´t too persuaded of our _gentleman´s agreements_."

Kurt pouted – but he couldn´t deny that Blaine had a point. He´d rather live than die. But there was one thing he didn´t understand yet.

"It would have been enough to make him leave or to warn me. Why? Why did you choose to find me? Why did you make the story up? And why should I trust you?"

Kurt cursed his fluttering heart while he watched Blaine, who was looking everywhere but at Kurt. Did he really want to know Blaine´s reason? Was he able to deal with it, whatever it was?  
>When Blaine shot him a look, Kurt thought he´d caught a glimpse of insecurity in his eyes; something he wouldn´t relate to Blaine at all. But then the moment was gone and Blaine´s face was blank again.<p>

Blaine ignored the first questions and just answered the last one.

"Well, I guess you have to trust me, don´t you? There´s someone looking for you and I strongly believe he won´t be that forthcoming. You can sleep on the sofa unless you want to join me. No? What a pity."

As Kurt watched Blaine turning around and extending the sofa, the flat suddenly seemed to shrink. He was very aware of each single move Blaine made and had to grip his sleeves to keep himself from reaching out.

Oh how he wished all those feelings would just _go away! _

He could stay with Blaine, ignore everything that had been and try to fix everything as soon as possible. But no, there was his silly _heart_ and these silly _leaps _it made and those silly eyes that were _burning_ and he really wanted to curl up and cry because _Blaine_ was there and everything was so complicated right now and he hated him and he didn´t know what to do and feel and think and say and want.

Blaine turned around and froze as he noticed Kurt´s mien and _holy shit _Blaine obviously was still able to read Kurt like an open book when the look he gave him was any indication. The look that contained so many feelings Kurt had too and made him shiver with want and fear and hate and... more.

Kurt tried to back off, but he had his back to the wall and Blaine was too fast.

Hard lips pressed against Kurt´s and _fuck, _how could something so wrong feel so right? Kurt couldn´t help but respond and far too quickly he wasn´t able to think of any reason to stop.

Blaine´s whole body pressed his against the wall and clearly there was no need to think anymore, because his limbs remembered everything without help.

They had always been crazy about feeling and touching and the touch of their fingertips had been not enough after only some days.

It was like a dam was breaking and all the memories flooded Kurt´s brain and mixed with what he was feeling right now.  
>The way Blaine´s skin felt, the way his breath hit his face, the way his mouth caressed his neck and his fingers curled into his hair. It was like coming home and for a very short moment Kurt allowed himself to feel it again.<br>He clung to Blaine like he was life itself and never ever wanted to let go. It felt right in a way he hadn´t felt for a very long time. Blaine felt like everything he wanted and needed and had missed.

But then Blaine moaned his name and Kurt was shocked that it was _real_ this time.

He had dreamed and fantasized about it countless times, but right now it was too much and he suddenly felt the urge to push Blaine away and run. Far.

Because even if he could forget reality in Blaine´s arms again, this was not what he wanted, this was not good and he wouldn´t do that. He wouldn´t allow it and he didn´t want Blaine to do it. He wanted to be safe and happy.

Blaine didn´t try to reach out for Kurt again.  
>After a short awkward moment when they were staring at each other, both faces horror stricken and lost in reverie, Blaine exhaled loudly and left the living room.<p>

When Kurt was wrapped into a blanket that smelled too much of Blaine and stared at the ceiling, he tried to assure himself that he had done the right thing. He was grown up, not a teenager anymore. He needed to be strong and rational and not _glandular_. He wouldn´t let Blaine and his own irrational longing destroy everything he had built up.  
><em>He wanted to be safe and happy.<em>

_The last time you felt happy was with Blaine, _his inner voice stated. _You´ve never been really happy after he left. _

Kurt ignored his inner voice once more. That was one of the things he had become really good at during the last six years. That, and not missing Blaine.

_Liar._

* * *

><p><em>Well, how did you like chapter 4?<br>What do you think of our two lovely but stubborn and hurt ones? Will they make it?  
><em>


	5. My Heart Feels Dead Inside

**My Heart Feels Dead Inside, It's Cold and Hard and Petrified**

If the dark circles around Blaine´s eyes were not enough evidence, his yawning added another piece of it.

Kurt knew he didn´t look any better and clasped his coffee mug desperately. Both men refused to look at each other, knowing they needed to talk but delaying it as far away as possible.

"So. What are we doing now?"

Kurt watched Blaine turning pale and rolled his eyes.

"I´m talking about the potential murder, chill. Shouldn´t we call the police? But you´re the _expert_, so I´m waiting for your suggestions."

Blaine shook his head.

"No. Unless you want to tell them I´m a hitman, there´s no point in doing it. They won´t do anything except asking you about your past, your job and possible enemies. They´ll write everything down and promise to call you and some weeks later they´ll tell you they didn´t find anything. Well, that is, unless you´re dead by then."

He sounded a little wearily.

Kurt couldn´t decide if he felt more angry or curious. It was unfair that Blaine was probably right and nothing would happen. At the same time he wondered why Blaine knew so much and didn´t seem too happy about it. He almost looked tired of something Kurt wasn´t able to put his finger on.

Of course he would have come in touch with the police, but as far as Kurt knew they had never suspected Blaine to be more than a handsome and very polite doctor.

And regarding Blaine´s second career´s success rate the police must have heard about his _missions _and concluded that there was a coherency. Papery moustaches usually didn´t walk on their own to decorate a crime scene.

Maybe it was Blaine´s precaution too, but six years were a long time for not even being a crime suspect or making a single mistake.

"We´ll have to go through your last years and see whom you may have annoyed. And I guess this will be a rather long list.", Blaine stated bluntly. "Ready to begin?"

Kurt thought about snapping an answer but resisted.

_Remember what you decided some hours ago, _his inner voice brought to his mind. _You couldn´t sleep because Blaine was lying in his bed just behind the door and you promised not to let him provoke you any more. Don´t show him what he´s able to evoke. Pokerface, remember._

Kurt forced a small smile on his face and tried to nod approvingly. It felt like he had to move a rather big stone. A rock. Maybe a mountain. But as always Kurt Hummel managed to do it. Nodnodnod. Oh, and maybe he should stop again.

Blaine raised an eyebrow and wasn´t as controlled as Kurt for once.

"Trying to convince yourself or me?"

Kurt knew his smile looked more like snarling than an actual smile, but he remained silent.

Blaine´s tired but yet cynical chuckle almost undid his intention, but he´d rather break the mug because of his tight grasp than prove Blaine right.

Not one but two hours later Kurt stared at the sheets of paper lying on the table. They were filled with Blaine´s notes and many, too many names. Some of them were random, but quite many of them were very familiar and Kurt was baffled at the necessity to add them.

"So", Blaine sighed, "Let´s go through the most likely ones, okay?  
>First of all, there are the letters you got and <em>forgot to mention. <em>You don´t happen to have them with you, do you?"

Kurt rolled his eyes – Blaine caused him to do this far too often – and shook his head.  
>"Usually I don´t take flames with me. They´re not really encouraging or entertaining, so I´m <em>really <em>sorry. _So very sorry._"

Blaine hissed something under his breath and Kurt narrowed his eyes.

"Did you just call me a... a bitch?"

Blaine lifted his head and stared at him.

"In fact, I did. You´re not going to make this easy for me, are you? I´m trying to help you, _goddamit_. And I´m wondering why every single minute of it. Even more when I think of things like the _letters you forgot to mention. _Is there anything else you might want to add?"

"Well, if you want to be that nit-picking, I maybe should tell you that Finn might be a suspect too."

"Finn? Your brother Finn? Did you use his football clothes again to seduce someone?"

Kurt blushed suddenly. "God Blaine, will you stop using that against me? And you quite appriciated it, if I may remind you. But yes, I meant Finn. He phoned me earlier this week an said he´d hire someone to force me to come home for Thanksgiving."

Blaine cocked his head. "And you think he meant hiring a hitman to scare you so you would run home? Sounds like Finn, to be honest. That would be his weird kind of logic."

Kurt sighed. "Come on, Blaine. You know Finn would never be able to do that, he has a heart of gold. Remember when he cried for weeks when Rachel left for NY?"

Blaine´s face told him that he remembered too well. It had been Blaine´s job to take care of Finn, because Kurt had left together with Rachel while Blaine had finished his senior year. And Finn hadn´t been the only one who had been broken, but at least Blaine had known that they would be together forever. At least he had _thought_ it would be forever. But obviously, things changed.

Blaine pulled himself out of old memories. "We should ask him though, maybe someone asked for you. Finn might know something that could help us."

All Kurt heard was _us. _  
><em>Then<em> they had been just _us_. They weren´t Kurt and Blaine anymore, they were _KurtandBlaine_, _you two_ and _us_. After they separated, Kurt had to get used to being _only Kurt_, _you_, _alone_. And still... it would be so easy to slip back into being a part of _us_.

Blaine shoved his cell phone across the table to Kurt.

"Call him. Don´t tell him what happened though, just talk about your... family. Or cars or Football or whatever Finn likes nowadays, until I can assure the connection´s safe, okay?"

Kurt watched as Blaine interfaced the phone with his laptop and made sure that he was able to listen in. Blaine surely had some new skills and tools and Kurt wished he wouldn´t find it that hot. It seemed like everything Blaine was doing was immediately added to his "things I can´t resist"-list.

Blaine dialed Finn´s number and Kurt wondered why he still knew it. But then Blaine handed Kurt the phone and only few seconds later Finn answered.

"Hey dude! How´re you? Didn´t think the three months were over again. What´s up?"

Kurt looked at Blaine with more than just a little bit surprise and noticed that Blaine suddenly seemed uncomfortable.

"Blaine? You here? Is it the connection? There´s just a weird sound like breathing..."

"Finn, it´s me, Kurt."

"Oh hey man! What´re you doin´with Blaine´s phone though? Don´t tell me you´re together again! That´s awesome! I´ve always thought that you two should get your problems out of the way and be lovey-dovey again. Honestly, Kurt, that´s great! But how did you meet..."

"Finn!", Kurt hissed. "Stop it! It´s not like that. Not at all. And just for your information, it´s not always helpful _to get something out of your way_."

Kurt shot Blaine an angry look, hoping he would get the hint.

He did. Blaine narrowed his eyes but waved Kurt to talk on, then went on touch typing again.

"What did you mean with you didn´t think the three months were over, Finn? Did you keep in touch with Blaine? Seriously?"

There was an awkward silence and Blaine avoided Kurt´s gaze too.

"Yeah, you see, I... I liked him and he was really upset after you told him to leave and I was sad because Rachel was with Jesse again and so... okay, we phoned. But that doesn´t mean you weren´t the most important... erm... brother, yes, bros before... okay, that doesn´t work here. So I just... um... but WHY are you with Blaine at the moment? When you´re not together? Was it a one night thingy? Ew, weird Kurt, I didn´t think you´d do things like that. Remember that guy, Fernando or Francis or something like that? You told me it was a one-time-thing and you´d never do something like that again! And then Blaine, of all the gays... I mean guys you could have! Never rehash something, remember?"

Kurt knew his cheeks were glaring red and flashing Blaine a side glance he noticed him gawping.

"Yes Finn, I _do _remember and no, it´s nothing like this. I just... met Blaine and thought I´d phone you and say hello. Well. And ask you how you´re doing."

Kurt closed his eyes and prayed that Finn would believe him. He was more than just relieved as Blaine nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

"... and then we got this Porsche last week and the customer was an old lady who had no clue and told us to make it silent! Just imagine, she wanted to hear less of this baby! But Burt told her...

"Listen Finn", Kurt stopped his brother, "that´s very interesting, but in fact I wasn´t honest. I called for a different reason."

"´kay, so what´s it all about?" Finn didn´t seem to be concerned or offended, so Kurt continued.

"We were wondering if someone contacted you. Someone who maybe asked questions... about me. Or wanted to know where I am or something like that."

Finn snorted with laughter. "Really dude? You really have no idea what´s going on here, do ya? Nearly every day someone´s calling to ask about the secrets of the aspiring star Kurt Hummel. Of course Burt always gets rid of them and I´m always doing this trolling thing that Vinnie-guy did in that show you used to watch, y´know, Veronica Pluto?"

"Mars. It was Veronica Mars. And you do realise that Vinnie was a private detective who sometimes ignored what´s right or wrong? Better hold on to Keith Mars, alright? But I really appreciate your enthusiasm." Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine suppressed a chuckle.

"But wait, Kurt", Finn´s voice suddenly sounded a lot more serious, "why did y´ask? That´s not just about journalists, is it?"

Kurt leaned against Blaine´s desk, staring outside the window and looking for the right words. "Keep calm, okay? Nothing happened. Yet. There was just a phone call and some letters and Blaine... Blaine tries to unearth the truth. That´s all."

Kurt waited for some moments until Finn murmured a response. "That´s … that´s really kinda scary. Are you okay? I mean, is that really all that happened? You didn´t tell us about that Karofsky stuff for too long... I´m just worried. Did you tell Burt?"

Kurt shook his head before he realised that Finn wasn´t able to see it.

"No. No, I didn´t and I don´t want to. At least now. Blaine just thought that you might know something or remember weird calls. But if you don´t, that´s no problem. We have plenty of ideas. So, thank you Finn. We´ll keep in touch, okay?"

"Wait, wait. I want to help. What about the phone calls? Not everyone who asks like a journalist has to be one, right? Maybe we can get the numbers from the phone contractor?"

Kurt turned around to look at Blaine, who nodded approvingly.

"I´m surprised that this is a rather good idea. Can you mail me the contact information? Erm, yes, if you want to, you can contact them and send me the list too. Thanks, Finn."

After hanging up Kurt put down the cell phone and kept staring outside without seeing anything.

"Kurt."

Blaine didn´t know what to say. There were too many things they should talk about but he didn´t know how.

Kurt´s voice was unstable when he finally decided to answer.

"I know. We´ll get the list tomorrow."

Blaine stood up and slowly circled his desk to stand next to Kurt.

They looked outside in silence and both knew that there was so much more than just the list they were thinking about.

"Fernando, hm?", Blaines asked silently.

Kurt flinched but kept staring outside. No way was he looking at Blaine now.  
>"Like Finn said, it was just a one night thing and it was almost a year after we... after I told you to leave."<p>

Both stared out of the window and Kurt felt Blaine´s nearness like he was touching him.  
>"It wasn´t a good decision. I just... I felt so lonely and I thought it would help me. Make me stop thinking of you. But it didn´t, it was worse afterwards. It felt shallow and.. and I´ve never felt lonelier than after he left. I never did it again."<p>

Kurt took a deep breath and immediately regretted telling Blaine about it. There was no sense in doing it, but he had always been one for self-punishment, at least referring to Blaine. The Jeremiah thing? Best evidence.

As a warm hand caught hold of his, Kurt froze for a moment and looked at Blaine then, who was still looking outside.

He thought about moving his hand for a moment but then – because of reasons he didn´t even want to think about – he grasped Blaine´s hand and felt... safe. Maybe it was an illusory safety, but it was all he needed for now.

"You know what, I have no idea how I feel about it. It seems like yesterday since I left you, but on the other side I just can´t remember how I felt back then. I don´t know why it bothers me that you had this thing with Fernando, but it does, somehow. It just... it feels wrong."

Kurt needed to swallow and didn´t dare to look at Blaine, who still held his hand like he never wanted to let go.

"It was. I mean, it was wrong. But actually" - Kurt straightened - "I don´t know why it would bother you. Don´t tell me you didn´t do anything like that. It´s been six years and I remember how all the guys looked at you. Remember the gay bar? Or the competitions? The parties we attended when we moved to NY?"

Blaine shifted uncomfortably.  
>"You made it very clear that I was yours – <em>then. <em>And even if you don´t believe me – there was noone."

Kurt burst out laughing.  
>"Yeah, sure."<p>

When Blaine kept quiet, Kurt stopped.

"You... I... Are you serious?"

Blaine just nodded.

"Oh."

The silence between them grew larger and heavier and their hands felt like they were stuck.  
>Finally Kurt cleared his throat.<br>"I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to... to offend you with my laughing."

Blaine shook his head, a very small smile creeping on his face.

"Don´t be. I would have laughed about it some years ago too. It just... I wasn´t able to feel anything at all at first and then.. when I could have felt something again, I just´ve gotten used to it and didn´t want to anymore. It was like I had decided to stop myself from feeling anything, you know. It was the right thing to do - no bad feelings, but no good feelings either."  
>Blaine shrugged, but still didn´t release Kurt´s hand.<p>

Kurt´s thoughts went back to the time even before _then, _when Blaine´s first touch, Blaine´s first so natural attempt to hold his hand and show him the way had meant the _world_. The time, when feeling Blaine´s hand had been so exciting and the possibility to touch him, hug him, nudge him had been overwhelming experiences and things to dream about and recall time after time.  
>Even now, after years and what seemed lifetimes, it was more than just holding a hand. It meant security and belonging and shouldn´t have felt so right.<p>

"We should... we should continue."

Blaine nodded.

"Yes, we should."

But neither moved.

Minutes went by and they leaned against the desk in silence, looking outside the window and holding hands.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN**_

_Finally, chapter 5!_

_I hope you liked it - oh and I´d appreciate reviews ;)_

_*hugs*_


	6. Or Feed You Poisoned Birthday Cake

**Or feed you poisoned birthday cake**

"You´ve learned how to cook", Kurt stated after the first bite.

It was one of the few things he had said during the last hours, after they had finally left Blaine´s workroom. Baine had cooked and Kurt had been agonizing over the list without any results worth mentioning.

Blaine hummed in approval. "I had to – or live off delivery services."

They finished their meal in silence, but it wasn´t the awkward kind of it. It was the kind they had always been able to share, the kind that was comfortable and soothing. Even without holding each others hand Kurt felt like they made their own world – again. It was like a cocoon that separated them from the rest of the world and Kurt really didn´t want to leave it behind, but he had no choice.

"I have rehearsals this evening. Any suggestions or instructions what to do and how to act?" Kurt looked at Blaine enquiring.

Blaine stared at him unbelievingly. "Are you serious? You _still_ want to go there? You _do_ realize somebody threatened to kill you?"

"Well, I´d love to stay here and ignore my job, but I can´t. I have to attend this rehearsal if I want to be part of the play, that´s my _job. _And besides, if I lock myself what message would that be? That I hide whenever there might be a lunatic out there? That whoever tries to is able to scare me away?"

"No, it would show that you want to live rather than get killed."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Sure. I´d prefer that, but I don´t want to be the horrified victim _again. _I´ve been there and even then I decided to return, remember? And there´s nothing like Dalton in real life so I´ll just hold my head high and show them that no one messes with Kurt Hummel, not even a wannabe hitman."

With a smirk Blaine stood up and put the empty dishes into the dishwasher. "That´s the Kurt Hummel I remember. So I guess we need a background story then."

Kurt played with his glass absentmindedly and cocked his head. "Why?"

Blaine turned around, still smirking and shrugged. "Because I think there will be questions when I appear at your side. Do you think I will pass for your manager or agent?"

Kurt nearly choked on the sip of water he was trying to swallow and finally managed to. Then he asked quite panicky: "Excuse me – _what_? No, there´s no way you are coming with me! Besides, I already have a manager who´s also my agent. So, there´s no need you´re coming with me. I will be fine. Everything will be fine. You stay here and do... whatever you´re usually doing and I´ll be at the theatre and return after rehearsals. Oh and by the way, when I´m here again we need to figure out where else I can stay during the next time. There´s no need for you to accommodate me."

Blaine moved over and clutched Kurt´s chair, leaning down and almost whispering. "To be clear, this wasn´t a question. The only way you´re attending your rehearsal is _with me_, do you understand that? I won´t let you go on your own and in addition - I want to see where you´re working and if there´s anybody who seems to be able to harm you. If you don´t need a manager, tell me what else I can be. The most obvious and easiest thing would be your boyfriend." Blaine straightened again, but then stopped one last time. "Oh, and you´re staying. Don´t even think about moving anywhere else. That turned out fantastic the last time, didn´t it?"

Blaine had already left the kitchen when Kurt was able to react and move again. He jumped up and ran after Blaine. Well, their relaxed mood was gone for sure now!

Furiously, he gripped Blaine´s shoulder and turned him around. "Don´t act like it´s _my fault_ that this shit happened! I really, really didn´t need anything of that happening, let alone having _you_ back in my life! Oh – and pretending that you´re my boyfriend? Another thing that turned out _fantastic _the last time!"  
>They glared at each other, both breathing heavily.<p>

When Blaine moved even closer, Kurt felt like he was running on adrenalin and it was the most addictive feeling ever. It was the same feeling like _then_, when all Blaine needed to do was to look at him or touch him anywhere. But now Blaine seemed to be even more insurmountable, standing there and watching him, leaning in and speaking under his breath. "I´ve never thought you´re a _liar_, Kurt. Perhaps it´s not your fault and of course you don´t want to die, but don´t even pretend it _wasn´t_ fantastic – or that you don´t want me back in your life. Don´t even _try _to pretend."

Kurt looked at Blaine with an expression so transparent that it was impossible to ignore the horror – and the want. With a desperate, almost pain filled moan Blaine leaned in and pressed his lips on Kurt´s. Kurt´s hand gripped even tighter at Blaine´s shoulder as he took the last step towards Blaine. Blaine´s hands flew into Kurt´s hair, his breath caught and Kurt wasn´t able to do anything than _feel_.

The room was spinning around them and both fell into the kiss, into their too tight embrace.  
>Hands were touching and pulling <em>closer <em>and mouths were tasting and exploring _more_ and bodies were moving faster and more forceful with _want_ and _need_ and yet it wasn´t enough – but too much at the same time.

Kurt felt like he was drowning. He wanted Blaine so much but oh God, he still hated him for being _Blaine. _He couldn´t hold back a sob and Blaine seemed to hear it at the very moment, because he broke away and looked at Kurt horror-stricken. His fingers were shaking as he pulled his hands back and didn´t know what to do with them. He ran them over his face and tried to say something – but there were no words to express his _feelings_.

Kurt´s strained voice finally broke the uncomfortable silence. "I guess pretending to be my boyfriend would be the worst idea ever. We´ll just tell them you´re some newspaper guy who wants to do an interview or stuff."

Blaine nodded and still wasn´t able to form a coherent sentence. He had called Kurt a liar and knew he had been right – there was much more between them than just hate. But the biggest liar wasn´t Kurt - it was himself. He didn´t want to feel anything, but he did. There were so many of these undesired feelings and most of them were caused by Kurt´s general _presence. _Maybe Kurt was the one who still _wanted_ him, but Blaine was the one who still _needed_ him. Kurt made him feel angry and furious and anxious and agitated, but most of all Kurt made him feel _alive_.

"I´ll go get... get changed. I´ll need a suit or something like that." Blaine fled and leaned against the closed bedroom-door. _Breath_, he told himself. _Calm down and breath. _

When they arrived at the theatre, Blaine gave Kurt some last instructions. "Introduce every person I ask you to to me and tell me their names, okay? I know the ones on your list and I need to meet them. While you´re practising, I´ll take a look around and try to get to know the more _interesting_ people."  
>Kurt nodded and got out of the car, waiting for Blaine and then they walked into the building side by side. Both remembered Kurt´s senior year, when they had walked into their school like this every single day.<p>

The stage was crowded with people, some where singing, some where decorating or moving furniture, some where shouting and waving. As Kurt entered the stage, several men and women greeted him and Blaine noticed that everybody seemed to like him. He was one of them, he fitted in.

Some of Kurt´s colleagues noticed him and looked at him curiously, but nobody left the stage. So Blaine looked for a place to sit and decided to watch Kurt performing.  
>Soon there was kind of a system on stage and most of the people left it to stand next to it and watch Kurt singing. Blaine knew exactly why and he was confirmed when Kurt opened his mouth. Well, some things hadn´t changed at all. Maybe Kurt was even better now, his range was wider and his voice was stronger, but he still looked like he was living for standing there, glowing all over. It wasn´t even a touching song, it was one of the funnier ones, but still Kurt was mesmerizing. Blaine applauded with the others after Kurt had sung the last note.<p>

The director entered the stage. "Brilliant as usual! Okay, let´s do the song again, but with the understudy and we´ll try a different lightening. Gavroche?"

A tall man appeared from the curtains and Blaine furrowed his brow. The name seemed familiar and he was sure Kurt had mentioned him. But he had also seen this man before.  
>Blaine stood up and walked towards Kurt slowly, who smiled at him slightly.<p>

"Who´s this? I kind of know him."

"Gavroche, he´s my understudy. He really wanted this part, but the director thought I was the more subtle actor. He´s playing some minor roles too, like a bartender or one of the dancers. Oh, maybe you really know him. Remember the time Rachel and I tried to do Ding Dong at the NYADA meeting? He was one of these kids who did that really weird mash-up. And he also was the one I told you about, the one that was even gayer than me. He still is though, too bad he never managed to get to know Robert Pattinson." Blaine chuckled and watched the other actor. He wasn´t bad, far from it, but he would never be as good or passionate as Kurt – and he knew it. Well, there had been more unimportant reasons to try to get rid of anyone. Gavroche would be added to the list.

"Introduce me, would you?"

Kurt shot him a curious look and nodded. "If you wish. He´s not in a relationship at the moment, as far as I know."

Blaine chuckled once more. "That wasn´t the reason, in fact I think he might be a suspect. But – do I detect a little jealousy?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Gavroche is far too concerned about his appearance to even consider murdering someone on his own. And he wouldn´t spend his money on hiring a hitman, to boot he doesn´t earn that much, being the understudy. And I hope you remember that I usually answer this last question very honestly."

"Oh, never underestimate the dream´s power. Some people would give up everything to have the opportunity to be successful only once. Oh and I do remember – but I hope you also remember where that tends to result in."

Kurt resisted to answer and clapped as Gavroche finished the song. He then led Blaine up on the stage and introduced the two men.

"Ooh, so this is the hidden boyfriend then? Kurtie, why didn´t you tell us?" Gavroche winked exaggeratedly and nudged Kurt, who stepped aside.

"No, it´s nothing like that. Blaine´s an old friend who's writing an article about... about our production. He just wanted to get to know you." Kurt smiled at Gavroche widely and noticed how he changed immediately. "So Blainey, what about a very special personal guided tour through our holy halls? I could show you one or two secret places nobody knows of!"

Mischievous, Kurt watched Blaine being pulled along with Gavroche, who smiled brightly and touched Blaine at every possible occasion. Kurt totally knew how much Blaine hated pet names and Gavroche tended to use terms like cutie or sweetie far too often. Blaine had always been very cautious with PDA and Gavroche liked to touch everyone everywhere until it was awkward. The secret places he was referring to were most certainly the dark corners between the studios or the wardrobes and Kurt couldn´t suppress a beaming grin as he figured out how Blaine would have to avoid those situations.

Maybe it was childish, but Blaine really deserved this in his opinion. He was causing so much trouble – and yes, he would liberally overlook that Blaine wasn´t literally the one who created the trouble – and he surely was able to handle a little bit of Gavroche.

Kurt got himself a bottle of water and waited for Blaine to come back. The dancers were practising at the moment and there wasn´t much for him to do.

He was surprised that he wasn´t jealous at all. Maybe the reason was that Blaine had never been one to look for others when he was with him.

_You´re not with him anymore, _his inner voice reminded him. But yes, perhaps _this _was the point. He wasn´t with him, so there was no reason to _be_ jealous. _Sure, tell yourself something like this. You know exactly that you would be jealous if it wasn´t Gavroche. You just hope that Blaine still doesn´t like guys like him. Just imagine it would be someone like... like Sebastian Warbler joining him. Or another cute but dapper gay guy. Wouldn´t be that amusing, would it?_

Kurt cut off his inner voice once more and put the bottle down with more power than necessary. He decided to visit his wardrobe. Maybe there was a letter or something, anything would be fine to distract him. Even a new flame – one more reason to... No. Stop it, Kurt.

There was nothing new except a box of candy. Everybody here knew Kurt didn´t eat sweets because of his flawless skin and his weight. But there was no note or sign attached so Kurt normally would have ignored it and left it alone – but then his warning bell rang. Sweets or liquids were often used to poison someone, right? And since they had no clue at the moment, it was better to be cautious. So he decided to tell Blaine to come here at once and handle this.

Only seconds after Kurt called, Blaine stormed into his room. He was slightly breathless and looked relieved. "Woah, thank you Kurt, I´ve never thought I´d take an excuse like a fake candy box to escape someone."

Kurt looked at Blaine, his eyebrows raised and waved towards his desk. "I´m really sorry you didn´t enjoy your tour-a-teté, but in fact there´s really a candy box. What do you think I should do with it?"

Blaine froze and took a deep breath. "Did you touch it?"

Kurt shook his head. "I´ve seen some of these crime series, you know. Don´t move, don´t touch, don´t eat."  
>Blaine observed the little box and got something out of his pocket.<p>

"Gloves, huh?"

Blaine didn´t answer, just put on the gloves and opened the box. There really was candy in it, but he closed it slowly and looked at Kurt again. "I´m sending this to a friend, he´ll examine it and tell us if they´re poisoned, okay? In the meantime you could tell me who´s able to enter the theatre and your room. That would cut down our list."

"In fact, it wouldn´t. There are some security guards, but remember the time Rachel and I sneaked into that theatre some years ago? It happens every day. And there are so many employees here, also the occasional ones and their friends and the fans who just ignore closed doors, so I guess there's no possibility to exclude people this way."

Blaine sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Okay. Okay, we´ll have to hope that there is something in the candy, as weird as that sounds. That would be the only clue we´d have."

After several hours of watching Kurt practising and trying to avoid Gavroche, Blaine left the theatre together with Kurt. As they were climbing into Blaine´s car, Gavroche suddenly appeared next to it. "Kurtie! We´re having dinner at Louis 649, Greg has invited us over. Join us, come on! And of course Blainey would be more than welcome!" Blaine frowned at Gavroche´s suggestive wink and Kurt grinned amusedly. "Well, thank you, but we have other plans. Blaine wants to.. to finish this interview. Maybe next time, okay?"

Gavroche´s smile was strained as he nodded and waved and Blaine seemed more than happy to drive away.

Kurt didn´t even try to hide his wide grin as he teased Blaine. "Maybe you should consider observing Gavroche; I guess he would be more than willing to help you in every way possible. Probably he´d let you even do a full body check if you ask nicely."

Blaine shot him an angry look. "That´s not funny. Not the slightest bit. He was... he was _disturbing_. If we were looking for an erratic and a trifle insane guy, he would be on top of my list. In fact, I think he _is_ on top of my list and maybe it´s just because I´d be happy to never see him again."

Kurt burst out laughing and Blaine´s annoyed expression made it impossible to stop. Only when Blaine stopped the car and waited for his friend to arrive, Kurt calmed down and tried to conceal his face as another man stalled next to the car.  
>Blaine exchanged a few words with his friend and handed him the candy box. After the other man left, they drove back to Blaine´s apartment, using some loop ways. Neither commented on this, but both knew why Blaine did it.<p>

"I think I´m gonna go to sleep now. Do you need anything?" Blaine rubbed his eyes while he put his coat away.

"Would you mind if I check my mail? Just to make sure I don´t miss anything important and maybe Finn has sent me the list sooner."

Blaine led Kurt into his workroom and opened the laptop to type in his password. Kurt´s eyes widened as he recognised that Blaine´s icon still was a picture they had taken together.  
>It had been their first trip to New York, only the two of them after Kurt´s senior year. After walking through the city in the evening, they had ended on a boat driving around Ellis Island and Liberty Island. As the sun set behind them, Blaine had taken his camera, pulled Kurt near and kissed him. Both of them had giggled during their kiss and Blaine had taken a photo, that turned out to be blurry and mostly of the Statue of Liberty. Only a little bit of their hair was on the bottom of it, but they both had loved it. It had reminded them that this would be their future, New York, freedom, laughter and love. And Blaine still had it as his icon. Kurt didn´t want to think about why, but he knew that Blaine would have been able to change it if he had wanted to.<p>

"Take a seat and take your time. Any plans for tomorrow?" Blaine yawned loudly, but hid his mouth behind his hand – always the gentleman.

Kurt shook his head and opened the browser. He had several messages and read over some of his colleagues, mostly invitations or links to things they found funny. There was also one from Rachel, who described her latest audition and the weekend she´d spent with Jesse.

Kurt could hear Blaine walking around his flat, opening a drawer, turning on the water, brushing his teeth. Kurt stopped reading and eavesdropped. It sounded like it had been during their years together and the familiarity was really comforting, but hurt at the same time. He was inveigled to close his eyes and push away his memories and thoughts and simply absorb this feeling. But then he focused again and opened another message.  
>Kurt grew stiff.<p>

"Blaine?"

Blaine dried his hands and furrowed his brow. Kurt sounded hysterically. When Blaine reached his workroom, he saw Kurt staring at the screen, deathly pale.

"Kurt, what is it? Bad news? Did something happen to your Dad?"

Kurt´s hand trembled as he made a little move towards the screen that caused Blaine to step nearer and look. He drew in a sharp breath.

"Oh fuck, oh god Kurt, where is this from?"  
>Kurt just shook his head and Blaine realised that he wasn´t able to speak at the moment. Kurt´s eyes were glued to the screen and by now his whole body was shaking.<p>

"Shit, Kurt. Kurt, listen, look at me!" Blaine gripped Kurt´s shoulders and forced him to avert his eyes off the screen and look at him. His pupils were blown and he looked like a very young Kurt, like he couldn´t believe that this was happening.

With only little effort Blaine pulled him up and led him into the kitchen. He poured him a glass of water and watched Kurt drink**.**

"Better?", he asked slowly and sighed as Kurt shrugged.  
>"Listen, stay here, okay? I´ll look at the photo and try to find out where it´s from and who took it, okay?"<p>

Kurt shook his head and jumped up.  
>"No, I need to see it again. I want to look at it and tell you everything I can recognize. Please, let me help."<p>

He looked at Blaine pleadingly and Blaine understood that Kurt simply couldn´t stand to be left behind and alone now.

When Blaine sat down and enlarged the picture attached to the e-mail, he heard Kurt taking a deep breath.  
>When he turned around he noticed that Kurt was shaking again, not able to calm himself.<p>

So he took Kurt´s hand and tugged until Kurt sat in his lap, hiding his head in the crook of Blaine´s neck. Blaine wound an arm around Kurt´s waist and draw him as near as possible. Slowly, Kurt calmed down and seemed to relax.

It wasn´t a tender embrace or erotic at all, Kurt simply needed safety. After Kurt had stopped shaking, Blaine attracted his attention back to the photo.

It showed Kurt on the stage and frowning he recognised that he wore the things he had worn today. As he zoomed closer, Blaine noticed his own head only two or three seats in front of the place where the person with the camera must have stood. White, hot anger welled up in Blaine and his jaw tightened. Kurt must have sensed it, because he lifted his head and looked at Blaine. Blaine noticed the traces of some tears on Kurt´s face only because he was so close.

"Blaine?", Kurt whispered, his voice unsteady.

"He was there", Blaine pressed through gritted teeth. "The ratfink was there _today_, Kurt. He stood behind me and watched you singing and took a fucking _photo_!"

Kurt´s hands dug into Blaine´s shirt and Blaine could feel a shiver running through Kurt´s body. "It was the same one who called me yesterday."

"How do you know? He didn´t tell his name and the e-mail´s addresser says P. P. Raolkoy. Doesn´t look like a real name though."

Kurt pointed at the screen. "Read what he wrote underneath the photo."

Blaine read the line he hadn´t noticed until now. "I will get you."

Kurt nodded shakily. "That´s the same line he said on the phone. Exactly the same. And oh my God, he was there. Blaine, he was there and no one seemed to notice him. What … what if he´s one of my colleagues, one of my friends? Oh God! That´s just... that´s... I won´t let him go through with it. I won´t. I _refuse_to be hunted. "

Blaine felt Kurt straighten up, still staring at the photo.

Kurt´s fear turned into fury and he turned his head to look at Blaine.

"Promise me that we´ll get him before he gets me. We´ll bring him down, no matter the cost." Blaine nodded slowly, not sure what to think about Kurt´s sudden change of attitude. Kurt´s eyes became dark and hard as he loosened his grip and stood up, still looking at Blaine.

"We´ll get him."

It sounded like a threat and felt like a promise. Blaine knew that their bond composed of anger and fury would be strong. Maybe even as strong as their love had been, but far more dangerous. And hotter. Hopefully, the only one burning up would be the mysterious hunter.

* * *

><p><em>So, my beta said this is her favourite chapter so far.<em>

_What do you think? Let me know :)_


	7. I m Not A Gangster Tonight

**I´m Not A Gangster Tonight**

The night had been short and neither of them had slept very well again.

But this morning was different than the last one, because both of them felt this energy that came from anger. They wanted to do something, they needed to. They wanted to go outside and chase the guy who was going after Kurt.

But all they could do was go through their list again and again.

When the phone rang, it was like a redemption and Blaine answered it quickly.

Kurt watched Blaine while he talked to the caller, but he didn´t say much.

"This was my friend, he has finished examining the candy and actually, we were right. They were poisoned."

Kurt stayed calm and waited. It was no big surprise and somehow he wasn´t as shocked as he had thought he would be.

"So? Did he tell you something else?"

"Yes, indeed. He told me it was simply rat poison and the dose was only determined to cause intoxication, not your death. Either that, or the perpetrator didn´t know much about it."

Kurt rested his chin on his hand and sighed.

"Everyone can buy rat poison. That´s nothing special, so we know nothing. Nothing at all."

Blaine shook his head.

"Ever the pessimist, are you? We do know some things. First of all, it´s a guy – unless it´s a woman who used a voice modulator, but let´s stick to the guy for now - and he obviously knows you and your routines and work-place. He has the ability to find out where you are even when you use a fake name – or he followed you and is a good guesser. He also knows your e-mail address although I think he could find it online. He´s either a man who really dislikes you and has the courage to do it on his own, or he´s a hired hitman. I´d guess the former, because he´s not so experienced to kill you at his first attempt. This, or he doesn´t intend to kill you, but that wouldn´t be what my colleague said. So... did I forget something?"

Kurt had listened carefully and shrugged now.

"There´s a little detail I thought of. Remember the numbers I got instead of the phone number? It shows that he doesn´t know things only about me, but also about us. He must have seen you at the theatre too and I suppose he knows I´m staying with you now."

Blaine nodded and stared at his hands.

"So it could be every guy who was at the theatre yesterday, he could be a colleague or a friend from college or someone you don´t know at all. He could be a misguided stalker or competition, I have no clue. Let´s hope Finn sends you the caller list soon."

As if he had waited for his name to be said, Finn´s name popped up on Blaine´s cell phone.

"Hey Finn, how are... oh. Hello Burt."

Kurt froze and his eyes widened in horror. Holy Shit, his dad must have found out.

Finn. He should have known that Finn wasn´t able to hide secrets. Not even one single secret. It was the same as in that one night when he and Blaine had snuck out to visit the gay bar. Everything had been fine until Finn had noticed the hickey under his collarbone and of course he had asked Kurt about it in front of his father. And if that hadn´t been bad enough, Finn had added: "Was it at that bar, dude? Did someone like... hit you?"

Kurt had been grounded and was still thankful that he had been able to sneak out again to meet Blaine for this one special night. But Finn wasn´t the one to thank for, that was for sure.

And again, he had nothing but not-thankful feelings towards his brother at the moment.

Kurt sighed wearily and took the phone out of Blaine´s hand, who was still spluttering greetings and platitudes.

"Hey dad."

"Kiddo! I didn´t believe Finn when he said you were at Blaine´s, what´s this all ´bout? And why do ya need our phone list? What happened?"

"Dad, calm down, okay? You need to sit and listen and please don´t be upset, it´s no big deal, really."

Kurt heard his dad murmuring something like "bossy fancy artist, this kiddo" and couldn´t help but smile.  
>"´Kay, I´m sitting now. So what´s up, tell me!"<p>

"So... Blaine´s just helping me with... with a project."

Burt snuffled disbelievingly.

"Any by _project_you don´t mean problem, do ya?"

Kurt sighed. His dad knew him, that was a fact, even with 600 miles in between.  
>"Maybe there is a little problem, but we´re about to fix it and it´s nothing you need to worry about, really, Dad."<p>

"I still don´t believe you, Kurt. You being with Blaine again shows me it´s more than just a little issue, there´s more to it. And why do ya need this list then? Finn was really weird when I overheard his call some minutes ago. Not my fault he was sitting in the kitchen tho, a man needs to eat something, right?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. Sure, Finn wouldn´t look for an undisturbed place to make such calls. He´d rather sit in the kitchen – probably with a plate filled with loads of food – where everyone could walk in.

But what should he tell his father? He didn´t want to worry him, but he also didn´t want to lie.

"We were looking for some names, you know. I had a... call and didn´t... didn´t recognise the caller and we thought that he might have tried to call you too."

"And that´s all? Why didn´t you call me then, or Carole?"

Kurt rubbed his neck. His head was starting to ache and he knew he had to find a good explanation.  
>"I... well, you know... okay. Dad, there´s this guy who..."<br>Kurt stopped and bit on his lower lip. He just wanted to tell his dad everything. He had always been one of the few persons he could tell everything and he was sure he wanted to know it.

"This guy? Did someone follow you or stuff? Or... or do you mean someone you... erm... _like_?"

Kurt groaned inwardly.

"No! No, Dad, nothing like that. Well, not the like-part, maybe a little bit... like the former."

Burt exclaimed a swearword that made Kurt´s ears turn red and that meant quite something – regarding to his increasing use of terms like fuck. Especially during the last days and in Blaine´s presence.

"Who is it? Kiddo, I´m coming, just tell me where Blaine´s apartment is and I´ll be there in..."

"Dad! No, calm down, please. You don´t need to come, Blaine´s helping me, we have everything under control. Just... just send me the list, okay? We need to check if there are any suspicious callers. Could you do that?"

"Sure, kiddo, everything. Are ya sure that´s all?"

Kurt dropped his head and closed his eyes. His voice was quiet as he answered.

"Yes dad, that´s all. You don´t need to worry, okay? I´ll just stay with Blaine until we know who it was and then everything´s back to normal again. And... please don´t scare Carole, okay? There´s nothing to be afraid of, I swear."

Kurt wondered if he needed to reassure his dad or himself more, but he was relieved as his dad gave in. Burt´s voice was soft as he spoke again.

"Kiddo, take good care of yourself, ´kay? And if there´s something I... or we can do, just tell me, yeah? Always, any time. And... ya know I... I love you, right Kurt?"

"I know dad and I love you too and.. and tell Carole I said hi, okay?"

"Sure, I´ll do that. D´ya wanna talk to Finn? He´s waiting there, looking like a puppy waiting for his master to upbraid him." Burt´s chuckle made Kurt smile again.

"Not necessary, just tell him I´m nod mad at him, but he really needs to work on his ability to keep secrets to himself, okay? Bye dad!"

Sighing, Kurt handed Blaine the cell phone.

"We should get the list soon. Do you think I shouldn´t have told my dad? I didn´t tell him everything, perhaps I should have told him more. Or nothing at all? I´m just scared, he might have another heart attack if he´s upset. Did I do the right thing? Fuck, I´m rambling, right? Sorry. I´ll just... I´ll go make some lunch or something."

Kurt clutched his shaking hands and realised he was more nervous than he had felt during the phone call.

"Hey, calm down like you´ve told your dad to. You did the right thing, okay? You told him that there´s a problem and that we´re going to fix it and you didn´t lie at all, because that´s exactly what we´re doing. Okay?"

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded.

"Alright, fine."

Blaine smiled at him and petted his now unclenched hand. "I could do with a coffee, what about you? There´s a rather nice coffee-shop down the street."

Kurt nodded, coffee sounded good. That was something he knew and could handle.

The coffee-shop was nearly empty and the obviously bored barista inspected her nails when they entered the counter.

"Is it still the grande nonfat-Mocha?"  
>Kurt smiled again – Blaine seemed to have this effect on him too, not only the swear words.<p>

"And you´re still going with your medium trip?"

Blaine avoided his gaze and shrugged uncomfortably.

"No, I´ve changed that. We´ll have a grande nonfat Mocha and a Hazelnut Americano. No, these are on me, don´t you dare."

Kurt put his money back into his wallet and waited until their coffees were ready.

Then he eyed Blaine´s cup with a raised eyebrow.

"You´ve changed your coffee oder?"

Blaine shrugged again.

"Some things change, you know. I thought I could try something new, step out of my comfort zone."

Kurt just sipped his coffee and didn´t answer. So Blaine had changed his coffee order, that was no big deal. Right?

They slowly walked back to Blaine´s apartment, enjoying the cool breeze and the bright sunshine. They passed a family and both smiled at the little girl, who was throwing yellow and brown leaves into the air, laughing aloud.

"That was a good idea", Kurt stated, as he hung his coat on a hook.

Blaine smiled at him and agreed. "It was nice being outside, I almost forgot that we had to look for..." He made a small move with his hand and Kurt sighed. He didn´t want to return to reality again, but they had to.

"Okay, so that´s my number and this is Puck´s. He owns the gas station in Lima now, did you know that? That´s my aunt Sara´s number, you´ve met her and her wife Karen during my senior year, remember? And the one time they came to New York to see my first show."

Blaine crossed the numbers out and nodded smiling. "They were really nice. Do they still live in Chicago? How are they?"

"They´re fine. They live in the outskirts of Chicago now, because they both wanted to have a child, so Sara´s got pregnant and they have a really cute boy now, he´s two and a half years."

Blaine hummed in approval and for some minutes they both worked in silence; Blaine typing in numbers in his search engine and Kurt looking for numbers he recognised.

"Kurt, there´s a number from a theatre company, but not yours. Do you know it?"

Kurt looked at the name of the company and his face was all smiles.

"Oh yes, of course. That´s the company that considers producing my show."

Blaine lifted his head and looked at Kurt curiously.

"Your show?"

"Mhm. I finished writing Pip Pip Klooray and they´re really interested. But I wonder why they called my family, they do have my number. Maybe I should call them to make sure they get through to me."

Kurt looked at Blaine, who was staring at the paper but without focusing on it.

"Blaine?"

Blaine shook his head.

"Sorry, I was just... Kurt, can you show me the e-mail with that photo again?"

Kurt wasn´t sure what Blaine was thinking about, but he had this urgent undertone in his voice, so he didn´t ask and just opened the e-mail on Blaine´s laptop.

Blaine pointed at it excitedly.

"That´s it! I knew there was a deeper meaning to the addresser. Look at it – P. P. Roalkoy. When you switch the letters, that´s P. P. Klooray, get it? It´s your musical. Oh and" - Blaine turned around to face Kurt - "congratulations! It´s great you finally finished it."

Then he faced the screen again and furrowed his brows.  
>"The writer is someone who knows that you´ve written the musical and probably he also knows that this company wants to produce it. Maybe he has similar dreams and plans and wants to get rid of you to have his own show produced? Do you think that´s possible?"<p>

Kurt cocked his head and took a moment.  
>"I guess it is. It shouldn´t be too difficult to find out if there are other shows they´re thinking about. Although I hope that mine is the only one, but it´s how business is. There are always tons of writers and composers and actually I´m not the only one who knows what he´s doing."<p>

Blaine chuckled.

"And surely you´re not the only _humble_one, huh?"

Kurt just raised an eyebrow.

"You can´t deny that I´m good. Remember when I started to write the plot and compose the first songs? That was during the summer before my senior year and I´ve never stopped since then. I´ve learned a lot, I can assure you. And it´s not cocky when I say that it´s good, that I´m good. I just know that I´ve worked hard on it and I really like the result."

"And you´re still wondering why anyone might be annoyed with you? Not everyone can handle this amount of self confidence, you know. And this attitude just draws enviers like moths to a flame."

Both knew that Blaine wasn´t teasing, at least not completely.

"I do know, I´m well aware of it. But I refuse to hide my light under a bushel because someone may not like it – unlike others."

Blaine narrowed his eyes and their conversation shifted into precarious territory.

"What do you mean? You´ve never been one to hide your opinion, so spill it."

Kurt smirked without humour.

"You know exactly what I´m talking about. You would have had every chance to be a star, you could be at home on the world´s stages but you chose to make a safe decision and look where you´re now. Remember the summer I began to write Pip Pip Klooray? Remember what you did then?"

Blaine´s face was red with anger now.

"There´s nothing wrong with working in an amusement park and in fact, I was on stage this summer. And it was _my_ decision to make, remember that too? And actually, the result was that my parents dispossessed me because I chose to move in _with you_. But I really wanted to be a doctor and if you´ve forgotten it, I am."

Kurt blew a raspberry.

"You finished it, but you´ve never worked as a doctor, right? So please tell me that it really was the _right decision_. Wouldn´t you be happier as an artist, an actor, a singer? Cause that´s what you´ve always been."

Blaine jumped up and stormed out of his workroom angrily.

Kurt buried his face in his hands and swore. Why did he feel like he should follow Blaine and apologise though?

Kurt found Blaine in his living room, furnished mostly with cupboards filled with many books. All of them looked like they had been read, Kurt noticed. But of course Blaine wouldn´t put books into his cupboards just for the appearance.

Kurt stopped behind Blaine, who was staring out of the window, leaning against a covered piano, facing the skyline. His apartment was on one of the higher floors, so he had quite a view.

For a very short moment Kurt remembered their first flat in New York, teeny tiny and dark, only one and a half room and still far too expensive. But it had been _theirs_and it had been as perfect as a castle, because they had filled it with memories and laughter and love and dreams.

Kurt shook the memories off and cleared his throat.

"Blaine. I didn´t mean to be _bitchy_or overstepping, okay? It´s not easy for me and I do know you´re not especially enthusiastic about this whole thing either. And I´m... I´m sorry. It was your decision and it´s really none of my business any more. Well, I guess it never was. You have to be happy with your life and I shouldn´t bring back the past."

He waited.

Finally, Blaine turned around and looked at him, his face calm.

"I know, Kurt. You´re just... I can´t handle this. I can´t handle you. I can´t handle myself, to be honest. I don´t want to think about the past and the decisions... and mistakes I´ve made. I just want to go through your list and find the initiator and finish it."

Kurt nodded slowly.

"Fine. I want that too. So can we go on now?"

Blaine started to walk towards his workroom, where his laptop was buzzing, but stopped in front of Kurt.

"There´s another reason I got angry. Do you want to know?"

Kurt shut his eyes. The emotion in Blaine´s voice told him that he should say no, but he couldn´t resist and nodded.

"You. You are the reason I´m angry. And not because you´re bitchy or annoying, but because you´re right. You´ve been right then and you´re right now. But more than this, you´re here and distracting me and you shouldn´t because I need to keep a clear head. I need to sleep and be calm and feel nothing, because this is the only way things work out for me. But that´s impossible when you´re here."

Blaine´s voice broke.

"When you´re here, all I want to do is reach out and touch you and yesterday, when I kissed you" - Kurt drew in a sharp breath - "I didn´t want to stop. I hated you for a moment when you made me. Actually, I hate myself at the moment because I don´t want to want it. I decided to live without all those unsettling _feelings_ and _for fuck´s sake_ I don´t want to _need_you."

Kurt opened his eyes to look at Blaine and for the first time he saw real emotions in his face. All the want and longing and desperation made Kurt´s heart ache and his eyes tear up. He suppressed a sob and had to turn away. He couldn´t deal with Blaine being vulnerable and needy.

A warm hand reached out and touched Kurt´s shoulder, turning him around carefully.

Kurt felt fingers catching his tears and when he dared to look at Blaine´s face, he found so many questions and unspoken words on it that he felt like his heart would break.

He should have guessed it, but Kurt was surprised when Blaine leaned in and kissed him oh so lightly. Blaine´s warm lips moved against his wet ones and they tasted like regret and memories and confusion. He smelled differently, Kurt noticed. He wore another cologne.

When they parted, Kurt´s tears hadn´t faded and Blaine looked breathtakingly beautiful and sad.

"It isn´t that easy. It never is. I don´t want you back and I... I don´t want to feel anything for you again. You broke my heart."

Blaine nodded.

"I know."

"Can we go back to the list then?"

Kurt shot Blaine a short look.

"Kurt, wait."

Blaine reached out to get hold of one of Kurt´s hand.

"I know it´s not easy and I know you´re hurt. So am I. When I saw you again two days ago, you immediately started to turn my whole life around, again. You moved me when we first met and you´re doing much more than that now. You´re... you´re pushing me and that helps me to push myself. I know I can´t have you back that easily, maybe never. You´ve changed and so have I. Do you think we... that we maybe could get to know each other again?"

Kurt looked at Blaine for some long moments.

Blaine was right.

They both had changed.

There were little signs like a different coffee order or another cologne. There was the covered piano and the absence of music.

There was the even more snappy and sarcastic way he himself used to treat others.

But there was also so much truth in Blaine´s confession that he moved him. Pushed him.

Kurt felt the same way. Blaine made him deal with feelings and attitudes he usually just accepted or ignored. He knew he could be annoying but told himself to stand above it.

Maybe they could do this – help each other to evolve into better and happier versions of themselves again.  
>And he would lie if he´d say that he didn´t want to get to know Blaine better, the older Blaine who was still so tempting. But... there was...<p>

"Blaine."

Blaine watched Kurt patiently as he took a deep breath and tried to speak again.

"There´s one thing that will always stand between us. This whole... hitman thing."

Blaine worried his lower lip.

"I.. I´ve stopped that some years ago."

Kurt´s head snapped up.

"Excuse me?"

Blaine straightened and tightened his grip.

"After I´ve left, I did my last assignment and finished my job as hitman after that. I´m still working for them though, but I´m not... murdering anyone any more. I´m just looking for information and people who go into hiding. You woke me when you told me to leave and... and I was too ashamed to come back."

"But.. but I don´t understand. Your whole behavior in the bar, all the articles.."

Kurt looked at Blaine, frozen.

Blaine shook his head feverishly.

"That´s a mask, I´m not like this. You... I wasn´t able to handle you otherwise, I guess. I´m sorry, I´m not like that. Like I said, there is so much going on inside me when you´re here and it was like.. like a reflex. But the articles, I know. There´s someone else doing the job using my hallmark. I tried to find out who it is, but he stopped some weeks ago and I wasn´t able to unearth the truth."

He stopped speaking and looked at Kurt wearily.

Kurt looked back, confused and unsure what to say.

"That.. that changes some things, I guess. But... but I´m in no condition to make any decisions right now, okay? I need time to think about it... about you... and me. Us. Can we.. can we just go through the list now?"

Blaine simply nodded, but didn´t let Kurt´s hand go as they walked into the workroom again.

"Take your time. I´ll be here."

* * *

><p><em>Oh Blainers... *le sigh*<em>

_I know, this chapter was slower and more on the quieter side, but they deserved it. And there are harsh times waiting for them...  
><em>

_Let me know how you liked it, kay? Every review makes me type faster ;)_

_(Erm, no - not really. But it makes me smile and a happy writer is a better writer. OH YEAH.)  
><em>


	8. We re Going For A Ride

**We´re Going For A Ride**

This morning was different from all the ones before.

When Kurt entered the kitchen, he caught Blaine humming one of Katy Perry´s newer songs – Kurt still didn´t know why he was so obsessed with her or why she was still successful at all - while making coffee. There was toast in the toaster and when Blaine turned around, he smiled.

Kurt couldn´t help but smile in return, he felt something like _hope_. In the middle of something like that, something that should scare him to death, he was able to feel almost happy. He knew it was at least partly Blaine´s fault but he wouldn´t complain. It was nice to feel truly fine, not just pretending it.

"Slept well? I thought we could talk about our plans while having breakfast. So" - Blaine brought two mugs to the kitchen table and both settled - "what are our plans for today?"

Kurt just grinned at the "our plans" part.

"In fact I really need to go to my apartment. It´s lovely to be allowed to wear your clothes but you know, sweats are not really trendy at the moment. Or appropriate for rehearsals."

Blaine furrowed his brow.

"Kurt, I don´t know... I don´t think that´s safe. Your… stalker will probably observe your apartment and then it´s easy for him to follow us."

"So you should really try to mislead him afterwards. I _need _to get some clothes unless you´re willing to pay for new ones. What, if I think about it, would be a fantastic alternative. This season´s colour schemes are amazing and I didn´t have much time to go shopping."

Kurt smirked at Blaine, who sighed.

"I guess shopping would take much more time and money and it´s easier to keep an eye on you in your apartment. So I guess we´re going there. But – listen, Kurt – when I tell you to leave we´re leaving this very minute. _Without any further explanation_."

"Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever you want."

Blaine cocked his head and smiled salaciously.

"Whatever I want?"

"Don´t even try, you know exactly what I mean. So, I´ll finish my toast and then we´re ready to go. Oh, and remind me to pack some of my hair products as well. I feel like a dog after a rainy day."

"You look nice, stop fishing for compliments."

Kurt felt his ears turning red and looked at his toast. Better than looking at Blaine for now.

"Put this on and no, I´m not kidding."

Kurt stared at the Buckeyes´ cap horrified, but then he decided that Blaine just tried to protect him and put it on. He left Blaine´s apartment without looking into the mirror.

While driving to his apartment, Kurt hummed along to the songs on Blaine´s CD, an odd mixture of Top 40s and Broadway songs. It was still strange that Blaine didn´t sing along though. His humming in the morning had been the first musical sound Kurt had heard of Blaine.

Thinking about it, Kurt decided he could take a risk and ask. After all, they wanted to get to know each other again.

"Why don´t you sing any more? Or play the piano? You´re still interested in and listening to music, considering this CD."

Blaine shrugged and stared at the street.

"I didn´t want to, at first. I decided to burn all my bridges, quit everything that was somehow related to you. I needed that, I guess. And when I thought it had been long enough and I could give it another try, I just had no inspiration. I couldn´t sing or play the songs I already knew, it was like I had a lump in my throat. I still knew how to sing, but the new songs didn´t mean anything to me. So singing or performing or playing instruments felt shallow, I simply stopped doing it. The CDs were the only music-related things I could rely on because you just need music in your car, right?"

Kurt nodded affirmatively.  
>"You hummed this morning when I came into the kitchen tho."<p>

Blaine shot him a short look and smiled.

"Seems like you have this effect on me, music has always been one of our commonalities. And somehow it felt right, I haven´t even thought about doing it. I just thought about... something and suddenly I was humming."

"Something?"

Blaine groaned with a laugh.

"Oh come on, you do know what I was thinking about. Having you around me makes me... happier."

Kurt blushed. Sure, he had had the feeling Blaine was thinking of him. He had realised how Blaine looked at him, Blaine´s sweats low on his hips and his hair unkempt; but he had blamed Blaine´s _physical needs _and not his _heart_. But Blaine´s humming and smiling and omnipresent better mood should have told him what this all was really about.

Oh. So, Blaine was happy again, because he was around.

Kurt felt... confused.

He was happy when they arrived at his apartment and Blaine chose a parking lot nearby. He pulled the cap down over his face and tried to look everywhere but at the people as they hurried to get into the building.

While the elevator was driving up, Blaine murmured: "I don´t think anybody recognised you, but let´s hurry up. The faster we can leave again, the better." Kurt just nodded fiercely. This whole situation was more real here than when he was thinking about it at Blaine´s.

When the elevator´s door opened, they were able to see Kurt´s front door.

Both froze and Blaine swore under his breath.

"Fuck, I was afraid that something like that would wait for us."

He grasped Kurt´s hand and pulled him towards his apartment and all Kurt was able to do was stare. The front door was placarded with photos and all of them – every single one – were showing Kurt. Kurt while phoning, Kurt walking down the street, Kurt shopping, Kurt at rehearsals, Kurt in a bar, drinking and laughing, Kurt coming out of his apartment.

"Kurt, where is your key?"

Kurt took a deep breath and fiddled to find them. His hands were shaking slightly so Blaine unlocked the door.

Kurt walked in, noticing some envelopes on the floor behind the door but not willing or able to get them. Blaine followed some moments later, the photos on his hands and kicking the door closed angrily.

"I don´t care for finger prints or evidence, sorry Kurt. But this is so fucking mean and I just... Kurt? Hey, what is it?"

Kurt looked at him numbly.

"I... I always felt safe here. Sure, my neighbours complained about my vocal training sometimes and the dumpster was too full all the times, but other than this.. I felt safe. It was my home. But now I just want to get out. I hate feeling so weak. I´m not scared, I just don´t want to stay here."

Blaine nodded and took a short look around. The apartment was furnished and decorated in a way only Kurt was able to create. It was tasteful and classic and yet everything looked welcoming.

"We´ll take everything you need with us and you won´t have to come back, I promise. Where´s your wardrobe?"

Kurt got up and walked towards a closed door, led Blaine into his bedroom and through it, until they reached a hidden entrance to his closet.

Kurt took clothes out of the cupboards, put them into two large suitcases and didn´t even care about wrinkles. That showed Blaine more than any of Kurt´s words how desperately he wanted to leave. After throwing some of his bathroom items into another bag, Kurt was ready to go. Blaine collected the envelopes, this time carefully using a tissue to keep possible finger prints.

After he locked the door, they headed towards the elevator.

They hurried to get into the car again, Blaine observing the surroundings and sighing once he was seated.

"I´ll take some loops but we´ll try to get home soon, alright?"

Kurt nodded, only slightly aware of Blaine´s use of "home". But he was right, Blaine´s apartment felt like home now, like his safe place to hide and stay.

"Where shall I put my things in the meantime? I don´t suppose you have one... or two free cupboards?"

Blaine shook his had and chuckled.

"Nope, but I think there´s a free drawer in one of them and we can clear a space later. So. I guess we should have a look at the photos and letters now. Are you okay?"

Kurt nodded and left his suitcases at the couch.

"Would you open them? I really... really don´t want to look at them on my own and you know how to handle them. Do you think they could contain dangerous stuff? Like poison?"

Blaine eyed the three envelopes closely.

"No, I think they´re simply letters. Flames, perhaps."

He opened the first one very cautiously nevertheless.

"See, just a letter. Well... a very angry letter."

Blaine read over the handwritten words, squinching up his face.

"I guess you should read it, just to tell me if you have an idea who would write it. But... don´t let it affect you, okay? Even though it´s obviously personal, the writer is clearly not all there. Try... try to pitch on the facts."

Kurt took a deep breath and Blaine handed him the first letter. He read in silence, only narrowing his eyes at some phrases.

"That´s pretty... mean. I know my voice is high-pitched, but I don´t think I sound like Mickey Mouse. And it´s not very innovative to threaten my wardrobe. Since I´m semi-famous, people know that my wardrobe is highly insured. The only thing that´s strange is the fact that the writer knows how many times a week I´m practising at home."

Blaine nodded, pointing at the second letter he was reading.

"It´s similar here, he even specifies the weekdays, also the times you´re usually not at home."

"Let me guess, he says those are the only times he can sleep in peace?"

Blaine raised an eyebrow and showed one of his bemused smiles.

"He also writes that he would love to have you rest in peace to be able to sleep in peace, what a lovely pun. Why though? Does that sound familiar?"

Kurt furrowed his brow, holding his hand out to get the letter from Blaine.

"Let me have a look... ah, there. Okay, I´ll ignore the more specific details about my death or the heavenly silence afterwards and tell you that this isn´t the same handwriting as in the first letter. What about the third one?"

Blaine opened the last letter quickly and nodding slowly as he read over it.

"Some new threats, some old ones, but yet another handwriting and not half as creatively as the others. This one adds your laundry times. Do you really sing the Happy Working Song while doing your laundry?"

Kurt shrugged.

"It´s appropriate, isn´t it? Can we have a look at the photos now?"

Blaine spread the pictures on the table and tried to put them into an order.

"It seems like they´re all taken within two days, well, that is if you still refuse to wear one outfit more than once?"

He looked at Kurt questioningly, who shrugged nonchalantly.

"What shall I say, dedication never changes. And as far as I remember, that was last week, Monday and Tuesday. See this green scarf? Latest McQueen one, I wore it on Tuesday."

Blaine chuckled quietly and Kurt shot him a glance as if to say "You should know better", then they finished putting the photos in a line.

"He must have been following you during these two days, every moment. I guess he has been hiding in the staircase until you came outside, then followed you to the theatre, stayed until you were finished and then followed you around. Same on Tuesday. But – and that´s confusing – he had to wait, he was in the staircase, he followed you the whole time. If he had known your routines, he would have come to the theatre at the time you were there. The person – or to be more specific, the persons – writing the letters knew about your routines almost too well. But the photographer doesn´t, he just followed you around and took photos. He put them on your door to show you that he´s around all the time."

"You mean they´re not the same person?"

Kurt stared at him in confusion.

Blaine looked uneasy as he shrugged.

"We should consider it a possibility. It doesn´t fall into place at the moment – the letters should scare you, you´re annoying some people and they want to get rid of you. But at the same time, they´re not actively trying to... to kill you. They´re just expressing their feelings and are rather strong about it. But the photographer could be the same person who sent you the e-mail. He is following you and showing you that he´s always there, that you´re not safe. He could be everywhere and you can´t hide."

Kurt took the letters and read them again, this time very concentrated. Then he pointed at the second one and showed it to Blaine.

"Look at this. That´s exactly the same line as in the e-mails. _I will get you_. Do you think that´s a coincidence?"

Blaine worried his lower lip.

"Well, it´s almost too obvious to be a coincidence, but I´m not sure about it. Usually a hitman or even a non-professional would have a.. a line, like a strategy and a professional finger print, and hold on to it. But this is too complex. The phone call – that´s a very personal threat – then the e-mail, that´s not as personal any more. The poisoned candy is rather mean and needs audacity, the photos and the letters are more passive-aggressive again. Also, you´ve gotten flames earlier and we should compare the handwriting, by the way. It´s confusing, to be honest. I really don´t see any line or coherency besides the hate."

Kurt touched one of the photos slightly, eyeing it distraughtly.

"So what are we looking for at the moment? One person who hates me or several persons who are united by hate?"

"I guess it could be both. Or even a group. Hate has united very different people before and it´s a strong motivation to connect, even if each of them follows very personal motivations. We should keep an open mind about that when we work through all the people on our list."

Both of them sighed in unison. This was going to be a very long day.

They managed to put up a list with the five most suspicious people – or at least five different kinds of motivations to kill or scare Kurt Hummel.

"Let´s sum it up, okay?

1. Someone who wants your job or/and your role, perhaps even your probably upcoming show.

2. Someone who´s jealous of your success, maybe at least slightly homophobic.

3. Someone who´s annoyed with your practising, your voice or training schedule.

4. Someone who envies your wardrobe – I´m still not sure about that, but let´s keep it there.

5. Someone who´s kind of insane because there´s no reason to not like Kurt Hummel – seriously? Kurt, I completely agree with the insane part, but the other part?"

Kurt´s smirk was playful and Blaine couldn´t help but laugh.

"Okay, I´ll ignore that part then. But in earnest, be aware that the person or one of the persons might very well be a little bit crazy and not thinking logical any more. He may think that laws and boundaries are not valid for him because he´s the only one knowing what´s right. That´s dangerous, really."

Kurt nodded, his smile faltering.

"I know. So, where are we starting? If you still think that my musical could be one of the motivations, we should start there. I have an alternative version of the first duet, we could use that as an excuse to stop by and do some research."

Blaine nodded approvingly.

"I think that would be a good start."

The office was large, like – enormous. If Kurt hadn´t been here before, he would have been intimidated. Blaine whistled quietly and took a look around.

When Kurt walked up to the secretary´s desk, she looked at him and shot a very small smile.

"Mr Hummel, I didn´t know you have an appointment. I´m sorry, but Mr Kennem isn´t here at the moment."

Blaine raised an eyebrow and looked at Kurt, whose smile didn´t fade.

"Actually, I don´t have an appointment, I just wanted to drop some sheet music I finished currently. Would you hand it to Mr Kennem when he´s back? I know you´re busy, I´m sorry I just wander in."

With that, the secretary´s eyes softened a bit and her smile was real this time.

"I can do that."

Blaine turned on his "charming smile" as Kurt used to call it. He had seen only a handful of men and women who were able to resist and at least two of them hadn´t looked at Blaine at all.

"We were wondering... are there many competitors? Having rivals can be very hortatory though."

Scarily, this secretary seemed to be one of those who were able to look at Blaine and not fall for him this very second. She just observed him quickly and shrugged then.

"I´m not allowed to pass any information."

Blaine doubled his efforts and Kurt wondered how he managed to keep this smile – it had to hurt by now.

"Of course you´re not, I wouldn´t want you to get in trouble. But since you´re familiar with this resort, what do you think will be the next trend? Are the young and new faces trending or is it more like well-established and known?"

Blaine´s hardly hidden try to coax her just released a frown.

"I think you should rely on polls or ask an expert. The only thing I can add is that I don´t understand why it´s always men who end up getting everything."

With that she turned her gaze back to her computer screen and Kurt gripped Blaine´s elbow.

"Thank you so much for doing this for me!" he chirped and pulled Blaine with him.

"Really, Blaine? That´s what you call research?", he asked under his breath.

Blaine freed his arm and looked at Kurt in confusion.

"What´s wrong about it? I tried to be nice, you know. We reap what we saw."

Kurt snorted audibly.

"Yeah and just look what you reaped. You´re still rather oblivious, aren´t you? And no, that was not a real question", he stopped Blaine with a small wave. "She wasn´t prone to your little smiles and winks and looks _at all_. She got even more tight-lipped instead."

"I had to try though. Do you think she would have told you more, with your chirpy-bouncy smile?"

Kurt looked like he wanted to say something snappy in return, but then he simply laughed out loud.

"Touche. I guess we´re both not really used to flirting any more. So come on, I have to be at rehearsals soon. If we´re early, I could call Rachel before we start. We talked about meeting and catching up soon and she would be thrilled to see you again, I guess. But watch out, she´s still the Queen of Babble and I´ve heard half of the secrets I´ve told her from someone else afterwards."

Blaine grinned broadly.

"That´s the Rachel Berry I remember, but she´s pretty successful now, isn´t she? And what´s that with her and Jesse St James?"

"Jesse St Sucks crawled back into her life the moment she had her first off-Broadway- assignement and ever since they´re off and on on a monthly basis. He´d also been on stages, but not quite as successful as Rachel is. He´s kind of a slow coach and no, I still don´t like him very much. I understand ambition, but I don´t like people using others. Rachel and I are not always on the same page, but I do know she has her heart in the right place."

While they walked towards Kurt´s theatre, which was only some blocks further down the road, Blaine was lost in thought. Only an ambulance´s siren brought back his attention again.

"So, Jesse. Do you think he would be dodgy enough to take part in something like that?"

Kurt burst out with laughter.

"Well, no. No way. Remember, he failed his first college courses! He just got assignments because of PR – namely being Rachel´s PR and then he was lucky. Also, I see no reason why he would do it. He may be a tenor too, but he could never sing my roles like I do. Also, he tends to be cast as the villain due to his well-established crazy stare and his dark looks. "

"Okay then, no Jesse on the suspect´s list. Do you think Rachel could help us though? She knows many people, maybe we should induct her."

"God, no! Queen of Babble, remember? If you tell her you can be sure that it´s on the news tomorrow. At the latest."

"I could ask unobtrusive."

Kurt couldn´t suppress a snort.

"Yeah, like you did some minutes ago, right? Just leave it to me, hon... Blaine."

Baine stared at Kurt quite shocked. He wasn´t sure if he really had heard it but if he had... then Kurt had almost called him _honey_ like he used to.

Kurt avoided his gaze, his cheeks purpling and his eyes flickering.

They walked the last meters in awkward silence, Blaine observing the surroundings and Kurt staring at his shoes by now. When they entered the backstage area, Kurt looked exaggeratedly happy to be amongst his colleagues and seemed to forget Blaine at once.

Of course this was the moment Gavroche had to enter too.

"Well, if this isn´t Blainey again! I must say, your desire to see me again is quite flattering, sweetie!"

Blaine flinched inwardly. While Kurt´s almost-use of a pet name had been awkward due to their past and a good amount of still unreleased tension, Gavroche´s was simply icky.

"I´m.. we´re still working on this interview. I have to.. to look for a seat now."

Blaine fled without noticing Gavroche´s hurt face. He was simply relieved to escape although he knew that Gavroche could be a suspect or a witness. Screw it, he couldn´t handle him right now. There would be other possibilities.

While Kurt was practising and talking to the director and the choreographer, Blaine watched all the other people in the auditorium and on the stage. Everybody seemed to be busy and he wasn´t able to cull anybody who behaved in an usual or suspicious way. Nobody watched Kurt more intense than others, nobody had a camera or a weird look on his face. In fact, everybody seemed to be completely average and unremarkable.

It was frustrating.

Finally Kurt´s rehearsals were done. When Kurt arrived at Blaine´s seat, he had just finished a phone call and smiled.

"That was Rachel. She would love to see you again and suggested we could meet tomorrow. I said I´d call her later when we´ve talked about it. Would that be okay for you? I have early rehearsals tomorrow, so I should be finished by 3pm and if you don´t have other plans, we could meet her for coffee."

"Actually, I´d prefer inviting her over. Being in public makes you an easier target and in addition it makes her one as well."

"That´s okay for me too, if you don´t mind her invading your apartment – but I´m sure we could meet at her place too."

Blaine shook his head and smiled.

"Does she still own those pink cushions and flowery curtains? I think I prefer my apartment then."

They shared a grin and left the building. It was already getting dark outside, summer turning into fall, and only few people were walking by.

They waited a moment at the crosswalk and as the approaching car slowed down, they stepped onto the street.

"We should stop at a supermarket before driving home, we need milk and cheese. And whatever you´d like to have for dinner."

Kurt smiled at the way this sounded, so... homey.

He was about to answer that _yes, they could stop and he would be forever thankful to have some salad this evening and maybe salmon?_ when Blaine suddenly cried out in panic, gripped his sleeve ungently and pulled him back with surprising strength.

Kurt tripped and nearly fell, but Blaine didn´t loose his grip and almost carried him along. In the back of his mind Kurt heard screaming tires and suddenly he felt the push of Blaine´s hands and lay on the pavement, next to Blaine. He turned his head to look at the street and saw the backlights of a quickly disappearing black car.

Both sat up and Kurt stared at the street, not really understanding what had happened. Slowly it began to dawn on him that the car had sped up after they had entered the crosswalk, that had been the noise of the screaming tires. He zoomed in on the spot he had been standing on and realised that if Blaine hadn´t pulled him along, the car would have hit him with full force. Kurt blinked several times, trying to form a concept about what this whole incident could _mean_, when Blaine touched his sleeve lightly.

"Kurt, are you okay? Are you... are you hurt?"

Kurt turned to look at Blaine who watched him worriedly. He felt numb and Blaine´s words floated by as he tried to understand them.

"Your hand."

Blaine looked down onto his hand and shrugged.

"Just a little cut, we can handle that at home. But are you okay?"

Kurt had to focus before he could feel his limbs again.

"I think so. I... what happened? Was that an... an attempt to kill me?"

Blaine took his hand and only then Kurt realised he was trembling.

"I´m not sure, maybe. Do you... do you want to go to the hospital? I didn´t treat you very gently. You might have a concussion."

Kurt shook his head feverishly and started to get up.

"No, I just.. can we get home now? I don´t feel like shopping now. Ouch!"

Blaine steadied him with his hand under Kurt´s elbow and furrowed his brow.

"We can order pizza. Or sushi, whatever you want, but are you sure you´re okay? Your foot looks sore."

Kurt bit his lip and tried to make a step, letting out his breath as nothing hurt this time.

"Sushi is fine. And I´m okay. Let´s go."

They both were nervous and looked around too often, but they didn´t care at all. This car could have hurt Kurt, maybe even killed him and perhaps Blaine too. So they both were more than relieved when they were back at Blaine´s apartment.

They ordered sushi and ate without talking. After finishing the meal, Blaine put away the plates and took Kurt´s hand.

"Kurt, talk to me. Please. How are you?"

Kurt stared at their linked hands, avoiding Blaine´s gaze.

"Fine, I´m okay. Just really tired, I guess I´ll go to sleep now."

Blaine tightened his grip.

"Come on, tell me how you´re feeling. I know you´re... upset. And angry, at least I would be angry and frightened. It´s not a good way to deal with it, not talking about it. It doesn´t unmake it."

Kurt lifted his head and looked at Blaine wearily.

"Thanks for caring, but I´ll be okay. I really don´t want to talk about it now, I´m honestly fucking tired. Just... please."

Blaine released his hand and sighed.

"I can´t force you to talk to me, can I? But... but tell me if you need something, if you need to talk or... or need help or anything."

Kurt stood up and nodded.

"Good night."

Blaine tried to go to sleep, he really did. But his thoughts were spinning around and he felt like he was vibrating with nervous energy.

Finally he decided to get up. He could as well work a bit, he had delayed his own agenda during the last days. He needed to write some e-mails and check whereabouts.

He didn´t turn on the lights, his eyes were used to the darkness surrounding him by now. Blaine tried to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn´t wake Kurt, but when he walked through his living room, he noticed the couch was empty. He stopped and listened closely, trying to figure out where Kurt was. He heard someone shifting and when he entered the kitchen, he noticed Kurt standing at the window.

Kurt was holding a mug and ran the fingers of his other hand down the window frame.

"I couldn´t sleep. Did I wake you?"

Blaine stepped behind him and hooked his chin over Kurt´s shoulder. It felt like the natural thing to do.

"No, I wasn´t able to sleep too. Why didn´t you turn on the lights?"

Kurt shrugged very slightly and leant back a little bit until his back touched Blaine´s chest.

"Don´t know, it´s cosy this way. It feels like the world is turning and I could just stand there and watch and won´t be bothered."

Blaine knew exactly how Kurt felt. Standing here, so high above the street where just on or two cars drove by at night and nobody else was outside, felt really otherwordly, but in a good way.

Blaine had always liked the nightly hours, he felt calmer then and like nothing else would matter. Together with Kurt though, nights had always been more like their private little world.

Blaine closed his eyes and just felt Kurt. Kurt´s back lying against his chest, his hair caressing the right side of Blaine´s face and his heartbeat steady and strong.

Blaine´s hands moved on their own to embrace Kurt and pull him closer. Kurt´s breath hitched before he relaxed and rested his own hands on top of Blaine´s.

They stood there for some long moments, just clinging to each other in a more emotional than physical way and calming down.

Kurt straightened a bit and moved in Blaine´s embrace, not breaking it, until they faced each other and he put his hands on Blaine´s shoulders.

"I was just thinking... I haven´t even thanked you yet. Without you I´d be at the hospital now... at least. Thank you, Blaine. I´m... I just can´t tell you how much I already owe you and we´re not halfway through the list. But the thought that I may not survive that is so real now. It was a simple car and it could have been everywhere and any time, I wouldn´t even notice things like that. I´m... it... just, thank you."

Blaine looked at Kurt who returned the look. A small smile spread over Kurt´s face as he moved his hands until he touched Blaine´s cheek. He leaned in and Blaine didn´t realise why until Kurt closed his eyes and lay his lips on Blaine´s.

Blaine pulled back, holding his breath.

"No, Kurt. Stop it. You don´t owe me... this. Really. You don´t need to do that, I´m glad you´re alive and fine and everything, but there´s really no need for you to.. to pay me. Like this."

Kurt stared at him, his eyes wide and his face confused.

"I didn´t mean it as a _payment_. I´ve already told you I would never consider rewarding anything with pshysical gratitude. When I kiss someone, I do it because I _want to_."

Now was Blaine´s turn to look confused.

"But... but you told me you don´t want to... to return to _this_. We decided to be friends again and.. and get to know each other and... and stuff."

Kurt laughed quietly.

"Ever so eloquent, are you? And yes, I still want to be your friend. But right now I want to kiss you and show you how thankful I am. I don´t mean it as a payment, I just want to make you feel the way you made me feel."

He took Blaine´s hand off his back and pressed it against his chest, over the place where his heart was beating, faster now.

"That is entirely your merit. Without you, I wouldn´t be able to feel this and it´s too good to not celebrate it."

Blaine stared at his hand, then at Kurt´s face. He tried to follow Kurt, he really did, but he was so distracted by the warmth in Kurt´s eyes and the pressure of Kurt´s hand on his and the way Kurt´s body touched his. He felt like his heart would break if he wasn´t able to touch Kurt now, all the need was there again and he shut his eyes in abandoning.

Only a heartbeat later Kurt´s lips were on his and they were kissing like they had never stopped doing it. Their mouths were moving in perfect harmony, their tongues soon teasing and caressing. Kurt unclasped Blaine´s hand and moved his to entangle Blaine´s curls, the other one still resting on Blaine´s shoulder.

Blaine pulled Kurt into a tighter embrace and both tried to get even closer.

It was like the surrounding darkness was able to hide everything and let them do all the things they longed to. Only the sound of the ticking clock joined their rushed breaths and quiet moans, as Blaine let his hands slide underneath Kurt´s shirt and Kurt drew a line from Blaine´s neck to his chest with his free hand.

Blaine caressed Kurt´s sides ever so slowly until Kurt needed to break free and take a deep breath.

"You know that´s not about payment, right?", he whispered breathlessly.

"Yeah, that was obvious. Can I... can I kiss you once more? I really want to touch you."

Kurt smiled at him in a way that made Blaine´s heart ache.

"You never had to ask me. You always knew it on your own."

Blaine´s eyes darkened as he pulled Kurt close again and kissed him once more, then one more time and then he didn´t stop any more.

His hands flew to Kurt´s hips, then slid down onto his ass and pressed him against his body. Kurt groaned once and the sound felt like a promise to Blaine.

Kurt´s fingers in Blaine´s hair tightened – he had always liked to run his hand through it – and the other hand moved down until it stopped at Blaine´s sweats. When Blaine rocked against Kurt involuntarily, he took it as an invitation and let his hand slip into Blaine´s sweats, curling around his cock immediately. Blaine stiffened and moaned, then gripped Kurt´s ass firmer and moved against him. His hips and Kurt´s hand moved in unison and Blaine hid his head in the crook of Kurt´s neck, panting heavily.

"God... I, Kurt... need to..."

Kurt placed a kiss on Blaine´s hair.

"Shh, it´s okay, Blaine. I´m here, we´re fine."

Blaine nodded against Kurt´s neck, his breath hitching now and then. Kurt continued his movement, his grip tight on Blaine´s cock like he knew he liked it.

But it wasn´t enough, Blaine needed to do something. He freed one of his hands out of his own clasp and stroke down Kurt´s side, further down his hip until he reached Kurt´s own erection. He palmed it, just feeling the hardness and the still familiar length.

Kurt stopped, drawing in a deep breath and whispering sweet nothings.

"Blaine... come here... more, please... you should.."

It was Blaine´s turn now to smile at Kurt and hush him.

Then he put his free hand in Kurt´s neck and pulled him closer, kissing him again and suddenly everything was hot and fast and urgent.

Their hands hurried to push down their sweats and boxers, pull off their shirts and free their bodies until they could press bare skin against bare skin.

There was no space left between their bodies as they clutched each other´s arms and backs and asses and necks and heads and simply moved together. The friction was not enough and far too much at the same time and very soon they were panting and gasping for air.

Their moves became frantic and it was clear that they wouldn´t last any longer. Their lips met for one last, sloppy kiss and then they both shook with release as they hit their climax.

"Fuck."

Kurt´s silent chuckle caused goose bumps on Blaine´s neck and suddenly they were both laughing, still clinging to each other.

"My knees are trembling and I think I have pulled out some of your hairs." Kurt giggled helplessly.

Blaine caressed his arm and couldn´t stop laughing.

"Collateral damage. Somehow I believe we´re weeping the floor."

Kurt´s giggles turned into full laughter as he tried to reach his shirt with his toes.

"We´re not used to that any more, are we? I forgot why we always chose the bed."

"Yeah, we were really lame, right?"

Kurt smiled at him.

"No, not lame, we just enjoyed the simpleness. Excitement is fine, but closeness is what makes it special."

Blaine caressed Kurt´s neck and kissed him slowly.

"You´re right, it was always special. So, would you like to clean up the mess and get back in... join me in my bed?"

Kurt nodded, blushing slightly.

"I guess that would be appropriate now. Blaine..."

Blaine was about to turn around to get his clothes but stopped and watched Kurt, still smiling happily.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. Not for... the car incident, but for making this easy. And... comforting."

Blaine entertwined his fingers with Kurt´s.

"You know what, I´d rather not call it comforting because it was pretty peppy. I´d say it was swell."

Kurt chuckled and pulled at Blaine´s hand.

"Swell, Blaine? Ever the dapper gentleman. Come on, let´s go to bed now."

Sleeping was no problem this time. Blaine´s head rested above Kurt´s heart and the evenly beat sent him to sleep almost immediately. Kurt held him close and rested his head on Blaine´s curls, drifting off with a smile.

_Well, here you are!_

_The first chapter that needs the higher rating – and my first attempt to write smut at all._

_Reviews would make me smile, I won´t lie. :)_


	9. It s a Bitch Convincing People

**It's a bitch convincing people to like you**

Kurt was surprised that waking up next to Blaine wasn´t as awkward as he would have thought. In fact, it was the best way to wake up and he smiled with closed eyes, feeling Blaine wake up too.

"G´morning", he heard Blaine´s sleepy voice and nuzzled into his shoulder.  
>"Mmmh, I´m not really awake. I think."<p>

Kurt finally opened his eyes and saw Blaine smiling at him. That made his smile grow wider and he felt... happy. Really and truly happy.  
>He felt Blaine draw nearer and intertwined their hands.<p>

Blaine kissed him lightly and smirked. "So, what could we do to wake you up?"

Kurt chuckled. "Nice try, but no matter how awake or not-awake my inner sleepy me is feeling, I really need to get up now."Blaine´s hand wandered down until he cupped the front of Kurt´s sweats. "I don´t think that´s a problem any more."

Kurt glared at him – at least he tried to. "I didn´t mean _that._ I need to get ready for work and I´d like to make some cupcakes for when Rachel comes over this afternoon."

Blaine made no effort to remove his hand, but began to move it in a way that made Kurt´s breath hitch. "There´s this pastry shop down the street, I´m sure their cupcakes are good enough."

Kurt´s laugh was breathless and a little bit husky as he couldn´t suppress a little shudder. "Blaine..."

"Kurt! Just... just let me make you happy, okay?" They both knew that Blaine wasn´t only referring to their momentary situation and that it was about much more than just their physical well-being.

Kurt gave in with a sigh – it wasn´t a hard decision after all - and his eyes fell shut again. He moved his hands to caress Blaine´s chest and let them wander to his shoulders just to grip them, as the friction became more and more insistent. With a moan he moved closer to kiss Blaine, to show him that he trusted him completely and felt overwhelmed by their harmony. Blaine moaned at Kurt´s kiss and tried to pull off his sweats without breaking the touch of their mouths or hands, but didn´t manage to.

They hurried to get rid of their clothes and both took a deep breath as their bodies touched again, flushed from lips to toes. Of course Kurt´s cell phone had to ring at exactly that moment and Blaine broke away with a groan. Kurt tried to pull him near again, but Blaine stopped him.

"Tell them to fuck off. Or better, throw the phone out of the window."

Blaine laughed breathlessly and fumbled for the phone to look at the caller ID. He held it in front of Kurt´s face, who let out an excited shriek.

"It´s Kennem! The theatre director Mr Kennem, oh my God. What shall I do?"

Blaine looked at him amusedly. "Answer his call?"

"But... but I´m not wearing any clothes. I can´t talk to a theatre director _naked."_

Blaine chuckled. "Yes, you can. He won´t see you. Come on – answer it."

Kurt pulled up the blanket and hurried to answer his cell phone.  
>"Mr Kennem, good morning!" Blaine watched Kurt while he was phoning and couldn´t help but let his gaze wander. Kurt was beautiful. He had always been, even as a boy - but now he was breathtaking and his excitement just added a lively note to it.<p>

"Blaine?"  
>Slowly Blaine lifted his head and Kurt´s breath stopped when he saw the look in Blaine´s eyes. It wasn´t only lust or need, it was... adoration. Kurt´s heart ached with feelings as he moved and took Blaine´s hand.<p>

"Blaine."  
>Blaine´s smile was heartbreakingly beautiful as he pulled Kurt in and looked at him, held him as carefully as he was able to and finally kissed him. Both fell into that kiss, moving slowly and forgetting time and problems, appointments and past. It was now and only this moment, the two of them and all the things they couldn´t say yet.<br>With a last slide of his hand, Kurt pulled away and opened his eyes slowly.

"As much as I hate to say it, we really need to get up. It´s too late to bake, but I don´t want to be late for rehearsals. Oh, and that was... Mr Kennam told me I´m in the final options, they´ll have the last meeting tomorrow afternoon and it would be good if I could attend it as well. The other two composers will be there too and they want us to present our musicals. So, I need to prepare that. It´s a good thing tomorrow are no rehearsals for once. Let´s just hope there won´t be any incidents to get in the way."

Blaine smiled at him and simply nodded.

When they entered the kitchen, both flushed. They looked at the floor first, then at each other. Blaine laughed and pulled Kurt into a tight hug. "You know, I´m actually pretty happy that someone´s after you, even if that sounds strange."

Kurt hugged him in return and kissed him tenderly.

"Me too."

o0O0o

Rehearsals that day flew by and Kurt didn´t remember anything of it, because when he stood on the stage and belted out one of the more difficult songs, it suddenly hit him – there was a real chance to have his musical produced now. There were only three options left and Kurt knew that he had a chance to impress the producers. He had the wanted knowledge, was experienced and could be rather charming. Also, he had invested years of work and he knew that his musical was good.

o0O0o

When Rachel entered Blaine´s apartment, Kurt couldn´t wait to tell her, but he bit his tongue and kissed her on the cheek.  
>She beamed when she greeted Blaine and pulled him with her as she walked around his apartment and inspected it.<p>

"I like the 40´s reference in your workroom. The dark panels fit your vintage style, as you still try to tame your curls even if it´s much better now. Anyway, I´m just glad you got rid of those bow ties, they were a bit too much."

Kurt suppressed a snort and noticed that Blaine was looking for an appropriate answer, a confused look on his face. It had been too long for him to be still capable to handle Rachel.

"Well Rachel, why don´t you tell us what´s new? Any assignments in sight?"

Rachel finally sat down on Blaine´s couch and pulled Blaine down with her, so Kurt chose one of the fauteuils that – yes, Rachel was right at this one – reminded him of the 40´s style, like in The Maltese Falcon, one of his and Blaine´s favourite Humphrey Bogart movies.

"I have an audition next week and it could be something."  
>Kurt watched her curiously. "Do tell."<p>

Rachel´s excited smile grew even wider.

"Wicked! There´s one place left in the company and rumour has it that they´re looking for a new Glinda."

"Wow, that´s great, Rachel! I remember how fond you were of Wicked back in High School."  
>Blaine smiled at her and patted her knee, before he got up to get them drinks.<p>

Rachel looked at Kurt, whose brow was furrowed.  
>"Kurt, what is it?"<p>

"I´m auditioning for it too", he simply answered.  
>Rachel´s smile faded a bit as she cocked her head. "What?"<p>

"Well, I´m auditioning too. They said they´re thinking about breaking some stereotypes and who would be better for that than me? Also, Glinda was always more my role than yours."

Rachel´s smile was gone by now.  
>"But Jesse said you´re about to have your musical produced. So that would be too much at once, right?"<p>

Kurt stared at her.  
>"Where... why does Jesse know about it? I haven´t told anyone, well, except Blaine."<p>

This question made Rachel squeal and clap.  
>"Oh, I was so excited when I realised that you´re together again! I knew you couldn´t live without each other, it was just a matter of time."<p>

Kurt rolled his eyes.  
>"You´re just like Finn, always such a romantic, right? But it... it isn´t like this. It´s … Blaine´s helping me with stuff."<p>

Rachel winced slightly as Kurt mentioned Finn, but then she raised an eyebrow.  
>"Stuff, huh? You can call it like that, if you want to. But why would you live together then? You can´t trick me and I thought we were friends."<br>She sounded a little bit huffy now and Kurt sighed.

"Look, there are circumstances that made it necessary, okay? And please drop that topic now, it isn´t something I´d like to discuss when Blaine´s around. We´re trying to... to figure things out, okay?"

Rachel´s smile was back at that, but then she seemed to remember Kurt´s former question.  
>"Wait, what did you mean with nobody knows? Isn´t it well-established that you try to get your musical produced?"<p>

"No, it´s not. I wanted to keep it shut away for the moment so that there´s no pressure on anyone, you know? So where _does_ Jesse know it from?"

Rachel stayed silent for a minute – the first one since she´d entered Blaine´s apartment.  
>"I think he read it on Jacob´s blog some days ago."<p>

Blaine walked into the living room again, carrying a tray with drinks.  
>"Jacob still has this blog? I thought he works as journalist now?"<p>

Rachel took one of the glasses and shook her head.  
>"He did, but then he decided it was too lame so he revived his blog again and focused on media and theatre. I´m almost sure you know it, it´s ."<p>

Kurt grinned at Rachel.  
>"Yeah, of course I know it. I always wondered if the blogger knows you, because he seemed to be crazy about everything you´re doing."<p>

"Well..." Rachel had the decency to blush. "I guess you could say he´s a huge fan, a very huge one. Sometimes it´s getting a bit... creepy."

Blaine leaned forward and faced Rachel cautiously.  
>"What do you mean with <em>creepy<em>? Did he do anything?"

Rachel bit her lip.  
>"No, he didn´t <em>do <em>anything, he just wrote things. Like, he wants to care for my success in every possible way. He once wrote he would take care of all my competition. Things like this."

Blaine and Kurt shared a short look, Blaine´s worried, Kurt´s confused.  
>"Why? What is this about?" Rachel watched the two of them.<br>Blaine patted her knee – Rachel seemed to need it – and smiled at her reassuringly.  
>"Nothing, it´s nothing, Rachel. I´m sure Jacob wouldn´t do anything, right?"<p>

Rachel still didn´t look like she would believe Blaine, so Kurt smiled at her too.  
>"So, why don´t you tell us about your weekend with Jesse?"<p>

As Rachel left nearly two hours later, Blaine turned Kurt around and looked him in the eyes.  
>"Never – and I mean it, Kurt – never ever ask Rachel to tell us about her weekends with men again. I don´t think I´d survive another story of hers that includes fire, sheepskin rug and strawberry massage oil."<p>

Kurt bit his lip to suppress his giggles and nodded quickly.  
>"As long as you stop to pat her knee or any part of her body, we´re fine."<p>

Blaine laughed and released his hold.  
>"I think that can be done. So, what are we doing tonight?"<p>

Kurt rubbed his forehead and sighed.  
>"As much as I would love to snuggle in front of the TV, I really need to prepare my presentation for tomorrow. Parts of it are already done because I hoped they would ask me to do it, but there´s still a lot of work left. But if you have any plans, you can leave me here on my own. I promise I won´t destroy anything or abuse your insane amount of hair products – especially as you don´t use them any more. Well, if I think about it, I should get rid of them so you don´t have a chance to ever use them again, right?"<p>

Blaine stopped him with a laugh.  
>"I´m not going anywhere and you don´t throw away my hair products. I´m fine without them, but they´re usefull when it comes to research. It´s not always advisable to be recognised. So, what can I do?"<p>

Kurt looked at him with wide eyes.  
>"You.. you want to help me? Well, okay. I... I have to look through my papers. Give me a minute."<p>

When they sat next to each other, Kurt´s sheets and papers spread on the table, they slipped into the discussion and preparations so easily as if they had done it forever. Soon Kurt had worked out his concept and they tried to fit the parts he already had prepared. Then they worked together on things like phrasing short summaries or finding fitting pictures to present songs or storylines.

When Blaine made coffee and came back with two mugs, his shirt sleeves rolled up, Kurt realised they had worked for hours.  
>Kurt set the sheets aside and sighed.<br>"Thank you, exactly what I needed now. I think we´ve done pretty much, there´s not much left. We should finish for today."

Blaine put his mug on the table and stepped behind Kurt.  
>"Your work is awesome, you should be really proud of it and yourself. Mr Kennam would be crazy not to choose you."<p>

He put his hands on Kurt´s shoulders and began to knead them, what made Kurt drop his head and moan quietly.  
>"You´re spoiling me. Besides, you´re not objective. You haven´t even heard the songs."<p>

Blaine´s chuckle was tender.  
>"I know that you wouldn´t consider handing in anything you don´t think of as perfect. But in fact, I´d love to hear them. If you want to show them to me, that´s it."<p>

Kurt nodded, took the sheets and led Blaine into the working room. He pointed at the covered piano.  
>"We´ll need that. Do you... I mean, I´m able to play the piano but I´ve always liked the way you interpreted songs and.. do you think you could play them? I´ll give you an idea of the tempo."<br>Blaine hesitated a moment before he slowly pulled the cloth away.  
>"I´ll try, I guess I´m a little rusty. But do you think there´s a chance you´d sing along? Those are your songs and.. and I always loved to hear you singing in private."<p>

Kurt blushed slightly but tried to override it. "My private concerts are not that cheap any more. I don´t know if you can afford one of them."  
>Blaine´s raised eyebrow and his warm smile eased Kurt´s try to be sarky.<p>

"I´m sure we can come to an agreement. Come on, Kurt, we´ve always been a good team when it came to music."  
>He didn´t add <em>and in other parts of our lives too<em>, he didn´t need to. Blaine was right though, music had always been their _thing, _it had been audible proof of their harmony. So Kurt just slid onto the bench next to Blaine while Blaine opened the lid and pressed some keys tentatively.

"It doesn´t sound too bad after six years of only standing here. So, which song first?"

Kurt handed him the sheets and pointed at the first one.  
>"That´s the intro, there are obviously no lyrics. "Pip Pip Hooray" is the first song, sung by the male lead when he arrives in England. I think it´s catchy, but not very challenging."<p>

Blaine began to play the melody, humming along quietly.  
>"It´s a good choice for a first musical number. It´s energetic and happy, easy to remember and introduces one of the main characters and one of the storylines, right?"<br>Kurt couldn´t help but stare at Blaine in awe.  
>"Can I use this description, please?"<p>

Blaine smiled at him amusedly.  
>"Sure, why not? So, would you sing that for me now?"<br>Kurt returned Blaine´s smile and turned to look at the sheets again. He didn´t really need them, he knew all of his songs by heart, but at least he had something to look at. When Blaine played the first few chords, he began to sing.

_Pip Pip Hooray  
>I want to stay<em> _in the UK_ _forever_

Blaine´s laughter distracted him for a moment, but then he winked and switched to the first verse.

_Some say it´s the land of manners  
><em>_some just call it antique_  
><em>But there´s nothing wrong with politeness<br>__and don´t forget bow ties and tea _

Blaine cleared his throat and joined Kurt´s voice. He improvised the second voice and they both laughed at the funnier and sometimes slightly silly parts of the song. Sometimes he hit the wrong keys and his voice wavered at some of the higher notes, but all in all he just sounded like Blaine. They went through three more songs, one of them was a group number and they tried some of the harmonies.

Then Blaine put the songs they´d already sung and pointed at the next one.

"What about this?"

Kurt hesitated.  
>"That´s a duet."<p>

Blaine looked at him and shrugged.  
>"Well, we are two people here, that should be no problem."<p>

Kurt shot him a short look.  
>"It´s... it´s one of the love songs."<p>

"We don´t have to, but I´d love to hear it. If you don´t want to sing it together... we don´t have to. It´s okay."  
>Blaine started to out the sheets away and was about to close the lid, when Kurt laid a hand on Blaine´s. His voice was quiet and a bit unsure as he spoke.<p>

"I´d like to sing with you. I really would. The thing is... I wrote this song some years ago when we weren´t together any more. It was one of those nights when you feel like you´re in between time and space and... and all I could do was thinking of you. So the song´s pretty much about you. And me. And the times when we were happy and the times I was so broken. It´s actually pretty sad for a love song."

Blaine watched him closely as removed his hand from the lid. He just played the melody and and nodded then.

Kurt took a deep breath and started to sing.

_Tell me  
><em>_will there be a time_ _to chase our shared dreams  
><em> _to take you by the hand and forget all that´s been  
><em>_Will there be a time_ _where everything is right_  
><em>and all we need is you and me<em>

Blaine´s voice was raspy when he sang the next lines and Kurt didn´t dare to look at him.

_Tell me_  
><em>will you be there<em> _when I turn around and say "stay"_  
><em>when I tell you to forget everything I´ve done<em>  
><em>Will you be there<em> _when I say you mean more to me than anything else_  
><em>and I´ll give everything up to have you again<em>

Kurt turned around to look at Blaine and noticed the same tears that he felt in his own eyes.  
>Even if he hadn´t said it before, Blaine would have known by now that this was their song. Their voices melted together like they had used to as they sang the part in two voices.<p>

_Will there be a time_  
><em>When you´ll be there<br>_ _Will there be a time_ _when we say forever_  
><em>It feels like we are far apart<em> _and I just need to know_  
><em>will there be a time<em> _when you´ll be there_

They finished the last note and suddenly it was completely silent. Blaine pulled his hands off the piano keys and turned around to look at Kurt, who looked like he was caught in memories.

"This is one of the most beautiful songs I´ve ever heard. Kurt, seriously. It´s amazing."  
>Kurt tried to smile in response, but all he could do was suppress a sob when Blaine reached for his hand.<br>"Listen. I know this song is about us and you should have noticed that it... it moves me too. Your ability to express your feelings like _that _is... and to create such a breathtaking song because of it... God, I´m so sorry Kurt."

The last words came out in a haste. "I´m sorry you had to go through this because of me. I can´t tell you how bad I feel right now for causing this pain. It hurt me too, I was hurting for such a long time and the worst part about it was that I refused to admit it. But now that I have you back I just begin to figure out what you went through. Kurt..."  
>Blaine closed his eyesbecause it was simply too painful to look at Kurt, to see all the emotions on his face and in his eyes. But then a cool hand touched his cheek and lips met his tenderly.<p>

"Blaine. I know you´re sorry and I know we both went through far too much pain. But it´s over now, isn´t it? I´m here and you´re here. And there is so much time now to just be, be together."

Blaine felt his eyes tear up as he finally opened them to look at Kurt.  
>"But we won´t be able to forget what´s been. What´s happened."<p>

Kurt shook his head, a slightly sad smile on his face.  
>"We won´t, no. But that´s not what matters. What matters is our future and you and me who will make new things happen, better things. We can´t change the past, but we can look ahead and try to.. to show each other that..."<p>

Kurt stopped and avoided Blaine´s gaze, who caressed Kurt´s hand that was still on his cheek.  
>"It´s too early to say it, right?"<p>

Kurt just nodded and took a deep breath.  
>"It is. But there will be the right time. So, do you want to hear the other songs too? I guess the last one is more like your Katy Perry songs, happy with a haunting melody and not too difficult."<p>

Blaine nudged him and laughed. "Of course. Let´s have a look and I´ll prove you wrong. Even those Katy Perry songs can be improved."

Only as the sun painted the sky in pastels, they decided to take a break and get some sleep.  
>They fell asleep immediately, their hands intertwined and their faces turned to each other.<p>

O0O0o

Kurt was walking a bit too forceful to keep his calm facade, at least for Blaine.

"Kurt, breathe. You have nothing to be afraid of! Remember our first duet at Regionals? It´s just the same, you´re going to _kill them."_

Blaine flinched as he noticed Kurt´s stunned expression.  
>"Oh shit, that was the wrong choice of terms, wasn´t it. I mean, they would regret not choosing you."<p>

Kurt´s eyes grew even wider and Blaine sighed.  
>"Sorry, I did it again, I just can´t help it. You know what I want to say, don´t you? You´ll succeed. Calm down and breathe and smile and..."<p>

Blaine stopped as he entered the office and turned around to Kurt, who stood in the middle of the door frame.  
>"Kurt, what... are you okay?"<p>

He followed Kurt´s gaze that was fixed on someone who was standing at the desk, whispering something in the secretary´s ear, who laughed at it.  
>When the person turned around Blaine knew immediately why Kurt looked like he had seen a ghost.<p>

"What are you doing here?"

A humorless laugh was the first response as strong steps came nearer.

"Nice to see you too, Kurt. And of course there´s Blaine too. Been a while since you convinced my girlfriend to leave me. Looks like we´re competitors."

* * *

><p><em>Sorry sorry sorry for the far too long delay! <em>

_Real life refused to vanish and then there´s this other, very huge project I´m working on at the moment and I have a time-line for this one. So. _

_Hope you liked it!_

_Leave me a review? (You can leave one even if you´re not signed in!) Would make me smile A LOT :)_


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